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Old 12th September 2004, 23:43
Krys Krys is offline
Junior Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Posts: 2

So I, the African American woman, lost out to the PR woman.

Let's get one thing straight, I love the latin community for their strong cultural ties and loyalty. I joined this community to get some help along in my learning spanish. Right now it's horrible....LOL! This is not a bash the PR women thread. Okay my story

So this guy that I was, okay let's be real, was not a relationship but we spent time together. We're both from the south and that is important because black men from the south are very color struck. He is too but will not admit it. He calls it a preference but all of the serious women in his life have either been really light complectioned black women with a straighter grade of hair or white women. So now he is seriously dating and is probably going to marry the PR woman. The only other women he considered marriage to was the white woman. He has never been in a serious relationship with a woman of my skin tone or hair type. I am the same skin complection as say Celia Cruz or Tyra Banks and I have regular type 4B AA kinky hair which I sport naturally. Men in the south don't like that either.

I fell for him unfortunatly and that was my mistake. He has stated that I have a lot going for me and that he could see himself in a relationship with me and blah, blah, blah. I was only one thing to him and that has really broken my heart. He wants to remain friends, I say no. I know he's going to marry her and it breaks my heart. It would not be appropriate for us to continue communication.

This has really effected my self esteem. I know I'm beautiful. But in my certain situation being a AA women at 25 who is a mother limits my dating pool of interested men. So unfortunately, I have become a "stop" along the way for black men or men in general who want some company but nothing serious. I don't have naturally straight hair, light skin, light eyes. He loves this about women. He visited PR on vacation last year and all he could talk about was their hair and their skin and how beautiful they were and how if he could have just spoken the language he would have married them right on the spot! I'm like WTF but I remained cool but it definitely put a dent in my self esteem.

This "relationship" has really taken a toll on me. It's hard being a black woman when society and your own people place you at the bottom of the beauty category.

I get all kinds of attention from men so that is not the problem but nothing ever goes beyond "you're sexy" and "you look good" blah blah blah. That's old.

I know he would have considered a relationship with me if I was not a mother and I looked like Rosalyn Sanchez (He really likes her). The last woman he was with was from Honduras but she has children and I think because of that he just wanted to play. Had she not had kids, he probably would have married her. She dropped him and is now getting married to someone else.

One thing I admire about the latin community is that the majority are not going to just lay around and play house. Family seems to be really important to the latin comunity. You're either going to marry or leave. (My limited generalization. I know this is not all true but from what I have seen and experienced it seems to be so).

I know that I will bounce back. I'm a beautiful women I know but right now my heart is hurting. I just want to be loved for who I am. I don't want to have to straighten my hair or have light skin to attract a wonderful guy.

Because of this experience, I have opened my dating pool. Never considered latin guys but hey why not? We have a huge Mexican community en Tejas. (More of my bad espanol)

Anyway I just wanted to vent. Any replies are very welcome.

Muchas Gracias (Did I spell that right?)
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