it hurts

[ChiRican]

Llorando

I lay.
Say I lay
Here alone.
Solito con the shadows of
Darkness’ past.
Escuchando
The saddest music
That one could have.
I lay.
Say I lay
Here alone.
Searching for reason
To go on.
Buscando algo
Que yo no puedo tener
Porque mi corazon
Is finally gone.
I watched her leave con Dios.
Now I’m alone.
Solito con the shadows of
Darkness’ past
Escuchando the saddest music
That one could sing
Llorando y
Tomando tragos de vino
And still I can’t bring my corazon
Home with me where she belongs.
By ChiRican

[ChiRican]

I'm writing because this is the only way that I can get all of this **** that has buildt up inside of me, out. You see my first love died in my arms 4 years ago on my 18th b-day and I haven't been able to feel anything for any one until now but, I still can't express my feelings verbally and this is why I'm hurting. You see I think I've found some one that I can talk to but I'm still not sure about her yet. I also got my boyz and my family but I don't really care too much for either of them. I mean I love them both con toda mi corazon pero my fam treats me like an outsider and my boyz are just there for me to chill with. I would rather write poems or keep my feelings to myself if I can't find a female that I feel comfortable with to talk to about things. I guess what I'm asking is if I will ever find that special some one who can bring a smile back to my heart and if I'm just adding on to my pain by being the way that I am. Somebody please tell me.
cristobal.guzman@puertorico.com

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cristobal.guzman@puertorico.com

[IDeJesus]

Cristobal:

You are very young. And although you have been through a lot already it seems, you still have the rest of your life ahead of you. Put your energy into loving yourself an dbuilding yourself up spiritually and academically. Doing this will make you more confident in yourself, life and your place in this world. It will also help you understand who you are, what you really want from life, and what you deserve.

Sometimes when we're young we waste a lot of precious time worrying about finding someone to love when all along we should have been trying to find an love ourself. It is only when you as an individual are whole that you can offer something to another.

You may never get over having had your childhood sweetheart die in your arms, that's a heavy thing to deal with; but you will love again beacuse it is our nature to love. Love will find you when you are looking for it the least. You're young.
Live life, love will come.

Take care of yourself and others...

IDJ

Your poem is really good. Continue to cultivate that talent. Who knows you might become a writer.

[mamichula]

chirican, that was a beautiful poem and you have so much pain. the reason your family probably treats you like an outsider is probably b/c you've pushed them away. if you really like this girl talk to her. i lost my 1st love but not to death b/c he cheated on me.i put a hold on my feelings. no matter what my friends or family said i wouldn't come to terms. i didn't want to date anyone b/c i didn't want to get hurt again. i met this guy and we started out as friends. we always talked and shared our pains about our pasts. this man treated me like no other man has ever treated me before. as time went by my trust and feelings grew for him. he was the greatest thing that ever happened to me. i made the mistake of not telling him my feelings and lost him. if i could do it again i'd tell him my feelings cuz i lost out on a real good man. she might be the one. much love boricua.

[ChiRican]

I want to thank you guys for your
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cristobal.guzman@puertorico.com




[This message has been edited by ChiRican (edited 05 February 2000).]

[El_Pintor]

Go with what you feel inside
Our heart usually lead us on the right path
Don't let anything stop you from your destiny
For you must do what your spirit tells you
Look within yourself for answers

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Poet In The Sand

[mgalloza]

Cristobal, hay muchacho, love is a complicated thing. I hear the pain, I know their are probably no ones words that will ever ease such pain. I hope you will not treat this with a calous heart, please no judgement. I was completely in-love with someone who was very special to me. It was another woman, who I can't say I regret getting to know. Hay, mijito I almost lost myself...because of all the anger, bitterness, and tortured myself for two years. For two years I blamed myself, I said contra, if only I could let this go. But it was so hard. Now that was a living person, and it hurts me to hear your cry. It wasn't your fault...mijito don't you think she would not want you to beat yourself down like this. Don't you think she would want you to be happy. What makes you happy deep inside? And if you can't think of anything because you haven't allowed yourself to be that happy since your heart was broken...think back to when you were a child. Think of that special toy, cartoon, bikeride in the wind, search for that inner child. Mira me tan botando de la biblioteca, take care mijito y cuidate
mgalloza@hotmail.com