Puerto Rican Men

[Victoria]

I read in some of these topics that many Puerto Rican men have been socialized to cheat, as part of being Macho etc. For the past year I've been friends with a married Puerto Rican man, whom I refused to have an affair with, but whom I am now in love with. However luckily I moved away and now he can only call. The problem is that he's been a very good friend yet talking with him hurts me. I'm afraid to lose him but I want to be in love with some who is eligble.
Any comments much appreciated.

[F_D_B]

Hello Victoria.
I am really not sure that you can make that statement just about Puerto Rican men. I think that most male cultures have been socialized to cheat. Some cultures think that it is acceptable to treat women as a subserviant being. Therefore when you have any lack of respect between the sexes this is the breeding ground for infidelity. I have never cheated on my wife, but in thought my mind has wandered. I have had a similiar situation to the one that you are having, except for the fact that I do not speak to her anymore. We were both married and had more than friendly feelings for each other. We knew it was wrong and although it hurt badly to stop speaking to each other, we had to do it. It is hard letting go of something like that, because it makes you question your life choices and it creates a lot of self doubt. I think that it hurts less than it would have if we would have continued speaking to one another. The more you build the harder it is to take it down. I hope that this helps.
Peace and I wish you nothing but the best.

[Victoria]

Hi, You are right that I cannot make that generalization. It's just that there have been times when he's blamed his past behavior on that.
Your words were very helpful to me.
Thanks.

[F_D_B]

He has probably done so because he is confused about what he is feeling. I felt the same way. I love my wife, so then why have my thoughts let me stray? That is exactly what I thought when I was speaking with my married friend. You also have to understand that men are not a very mature species. Men are not as in touch with their true feelings or emotions. I don't mean to generalize, but a lot act without thought of consequence. They will not make a decision until they are confronted or forced to do so.
In my case I was flattered that someone besides my wife would actually take interest in me, something that has been a regular occurance only after I got married. When you are not used to unsolicited attention, that also makes things difficult.

I apologize for rambling, but I understand the difficult situation that you are in. I hope that you find the answer.

Bye for now.

[Victoria]

Dear F.D.B.
That's what I was afraid of. You see, he pursued me relentlessly and I told him I don't go out with married men. Then he said that he wanted to be my friend. A year later and this is where I am. However I am realizing that, although we've spoken about our mutual attraction and that our feelings run deep etc., he is not very in touch with his emotions. It is painful to think that this is the case. That because I am 14 years younger, this may just be a case of his being flattered and that now that I'm gone...Well, like I said, I have to get on with my life but I also have to talk this out with someone too. Thanks for your input. It's better to get a cold bucket of water in your face than act like a fool.

[F_D_B]

I am here if you want to vent. Good luck to you.

[Ivette_Berrios]

Hi Victoria
Just thought I'd add my experience with being friends with a married man then falling in love. I became good friends with a married man. I knew that he had a thing for me but I would never persue it because he was married. We were friends for about two years. He started having problems with his wife, thats when we became even closer. I was always there to listen. Then one day he announced that he was getting divorced. A short time after we started seeing each other as a couple. And its been down hill ever since. We were better off as friends. Sometime people are different when their just friends, once that relationship starts things change. My advise to you. Leave things as they are. Now until I am totally over him, which I will be, I cannot bear to even talk with him. Too much pain. Hang on girl I believe there is someone out there for everyone. And always remember if you have a relationship with a married man. If he did it to his wife, he'll do it to you. Once a cheat alway a cheat.