How can you stop loving someone that its married to someone else

[nan]

I have been involved with a man for the past 4 years. I love him and he states that he feels the same. I want a commitment from him but he is not ready,how long must I wait.

[F_D_B]

Hi Nan.
I feel for you, I really do. There is not much in matters of love that is clearly black and white. I know this is a hard answer to swallow, but if he is married you need to stop seeing him. You have to understand that most men enjoy a comfort zone. For four years he has had the best of both worlds, being with his wife and sharing time with you. You have to make a stand and say to him that it is either her or you, he can't have both. Men will not make a decision, especially of this magnitude, unless they are comfronted. If you let him decide you can go on like this for another four years with no progress. That can't be what you want.

I have seen both sides of this. The man living his double life content to be doing so, and her suffering because she suspects something is up. There are no winners in this kind of situation unfortunately. Someone has to make a decision and finalize what is going to happen. If it turns out that you two should be together then that is what will happen and good luck to you both. However, it has to be done right. He can't continue to lead his wife on while he sees you, and you should not allow it in my opinion. You have to put yourself in her shoes as well. How would you feel if your husband was fooling around?

I hope that you find happiness in whatever you decide to do. I wish you nothing but the best.

[Nicoletta]

nan, i know that it's hard because i have been there myself. i had to cry a very long time before i realized many things...things that once i faced them, i could move on.

on your side:

1. you love him.
2. you want to spend as much time with him as you can...you want to spend your life with him.
3. you are faithful to him.
4. you may see his wife as a problem. she is the one who's keeping him from being totally yours.
5. you are willing to wait because you know he loves you.
6. it may not be a perfect love, but it's yours.

on his side:

1. he says he loves you, just like he said he loved his wife...and promised to love her forever. has he now changed his mind?
2. you settle for stolen moments here and there. you can't go out with him proudly because you are not his wife. he sneaks around with you...YOU DESERVER BETTER.
3. he divides his time between two women, both who love him. he gets twice the love, happiness, sex...you and his wife are sharing, so you get only half. who else is loving you?
4. how would you feel if you knew the man who promised to love and be faithful to you forever was sharing his love and his time with another woman? you give 100% and get back maybe 50%. and don't think for one second that he won't cheat on you. he did it to her, he'll do it to you.
5. he doesn't need to rush...he has the best of both worlds, like FDB said. he has you and her. what incentive does he have to do something about his situation? and besides why should you have to keep asking for someone who says they love you to come be with you? if they loved you, wouldn't they do whatever it took to be with you? like romeo and juliet...
6. you want him in your life, but the problem is, he doesn't belong to you. he belongs to her. she's the one he chose. he's not available, he's married. and married people are best left to themselves.
what if one day he worked out all his problems with his wife and decided he didn't want you anymore? then what?

baby, you deserve better. don't settle for someone who will only give you 50 percent. you know you should have 100%. don't wait any longer. get away from him. he may care about you, but he's no good for you.

i'm here if you wanna talk. i've been thru this thing...and it sux, i know. but don't continue in this bitter love affair.

email me if you need to vent or whatever:
padwanjedi@yahoo.com


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Nicoletta
;oD

[ChiRican]

Ok, you said this guy is married right ma'. And you've been involved with him for the last four years. With much respect ma'-open your eyes because you are getting PLAYED! I don't care what he says- he's been seeing you for four years and he is married. Cono man, mamita I really feel sorry for you.

But if he isn't married mamitas and he says he loves you- then that to me is a commitment. Because when you love some one- you will always be true to that person no matter what you may say or think. How ever it goes ma' you'll be aieght.

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cristobal.guzman@puertorico.com Que Viva Humboldt Park!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[davidFreedom]

He has the best scenerio going on for himself. Do you?