Originally posted by Gringa:
My husband is the Navy....I was there with him in PR for 4 months then came back to Fl since we were having problems and might be getting divorced. I've posted this question on every other message board I can find to get help with this but since there're new developments I figured I'd try here. He's now dating some PR girl!!!! When he told me I was also dating somebody else so I didn't care but now that me and this new guy aren't seeing eachother anymore this is starting to bother me very much. He says he's not ready for a relationship but now he's seeing somebody...I'm going on the whole rebound theory that that is all she is to him. I'm supposed to go down there in Nov for a week but I don't know how I can. From what I hear they spend alot (but..anything is a lot to me) time together and I don't know how I could go down there knowing that all his friends know bout her. Even though I know, it would still make me feel stupid. I love my husband very much and I just have this good feeling that we'll make it through all this crap and will be together in the end. I'm just so confused about this and I don't know what to do. My husband says he doesn't love me anymore and I don't believe him...I also don't know if my feelings are real either. Thats why I want to go there to see whether or not I still love him. I can say I love him all I want to while I'm in Fl but I could go down there and realize I don't. I just don't know how to handle him seeing her and then me going down there to see him and wondering who he's thinking about. I don't know how to handle his friends comments...believe they'll be making lots of them too...and everything else about her that'll be going on. Why is this happening? Why to me off all people? Every mean thing he's done and said I've forgiven him for and I even have for this. But just picturing it..her and him, MY HUSBAND!!! I don't know how to handle it and I don't know whether or not to go down there. I'll probably end up going as long as he wants me to but I could REALLY use the advice. THANX
I can so much feel what you are going thru. I was never married but I just recently had to suffer thru the split up of my boyfriend of 1yr. He is Puerto Rican and we were together for one entire year. He told me he loved me and I fell in love with him. We took things slow, so I thought that he was really the "one". He had a son and I became so attached to him. We did everything with one another. We were truthful with one another, so I thought. Suddenly one week before a planned vacation to South Carolina, I went to his house to visit him and his son. He took me outside and said he had been doing a lot of thinking and he cannot be in a relationship anymore. He told me he does not know how to love. The only person he knows how to love is his son. While I felt pitty for him, at the same time I was angry cause he lied to me for so long. He told me over and over he wanted to be with me. I made him happy and that he loved me. So I guess I am trying to make a point. YOU HAVE TO DO WHAT YOU FEEL IS RIGHT. I don't hear you say any children are involved and if that is the case that is a good thing. Your situation is different than mine, in that you are married. In my personal opinion, I do not believe divorce is a solution to the problem. The BOTH OF YOU need to EARN your way out of the marriage if that is what you want. In saying this, I mean that EVERY rock and stone should be turned over to see where the actual problem lies. Placing blame on eachother or hurting one another is NOT a reason to say WE SHOULD GET DIVORCED. The sacred covenant of marriage was committed with the both of you, FOR BETTER AND FOR WORSE. Please think of that, think that you owe it to eachother and yourselves to at least TRY to work it out. The fact that you guys are seeing or were seeing other people is NOT A GOOD THING! You R still married and that is not OK to do. Everyone has reasons for what they do, so please do not think I am judging you or your husband. I am just trying to give you some advice. I hope I have made some sense here. I know what it feels like to know the man you love is with or seeing someone else. No matter what, IT HURTS BAD! The thing you have to try not to do, is think it is something you personally have done. It really has nothing to do with you as a person. He chooses to be with someone else and he cannot put his choice back on you. Do you understand what I mean? I hope I am making sense. I only wish I could say or help more to help you to feel better. Just know you are not alone in this battle. Let me know how you are doing!