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  #1 (permalink)  
Old 18th September 2000, 14:14
Gringa Gringa is offline
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Question

My husband is the Navy....I was there with him in PR for 4 months then came back to Fl since we were having problems and might be getting divorced. I've posted this question on every other message board I can find to get help with this but since there're new developments I figured I'd try here. He's now dating some PR girl!!!! When he told me I was also dating somebody else so I didn't care but now that me and this new guy aren't seeing eachother anymore this is starting to bother me very much. He says he's not ready for a relationship but now he's seeing somebody...I'm going on the whole rebound theory that that is all she is to him. I'm supposed to go down there in Nov for a week but I don't know how I can. From what I hear they spend alot (but..anything is a lot to me) time together and I don't know how I could go down there knowing that all his friends know bout her. Even though I know, it would still make me feel stupid. I love my husband very much and I just have this good feeling that we'll make it through all this crap and will be together in the end. I'm just so confused about this and I don't know what to do. My husband says he doesn't love me anymore and I don't believe him...I also don't know if my feelings are real either. Thats why I want to go there to see whether or not I still love him. I can say I love him all I want to while I'm in Fl but I could go down there and realize I don't. I just don't know how to handle him seeing her and then me going down there to see him and wondering who he's thinking about. I don't know how to handle his friends comments...believe they'll be making lots of them too...and everything else about her that'll be going on. Why is this happening? Why to me off all people? Every mean thing he's done and said I've forgiven him for and I even have for this. But just picturing it..her and him, MY HUSBAND!!! I don't know how to handle it and I don't know whether or not to go down there. I'll probably end up going as long as he wants me to but I could REALLY use the advice. THANX
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  #2 (permalink)  
Old 18th September 2000, 14:50
SALSERO_number_1 SALSERO_number_1 is offline
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MY ADVISE IS DON'T GO. JUST STAY WHERE YOU ARE AND START A NEW LIFE. IT WILL NOT BE EASY, BUT NOTHING IN LIFE WORTH DOING IS. HE HAS ALREADY TOLD YOU HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU. SO WALK AWAY. I SURE THAT IF IT IS MEANT TO BE, HE WILL BE BACK IN YOUR LIFE. MAYBE BY THAT TIME IT WILL BE TOO LATE. YOU MIGHT HAVE ALREADY MOVED ON, BUT THAT IS A CHANCE YOU'LL HAVE TO TAKE FOR YOUR RESPECT.
BUT THAT IS JUST MY ADVICE, I'M SURE DOWN DEEP INSIDE YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO. THE BOTTOM LINE IS, NOBODY CAN TELL YOU WHAT TO DO OR HOW TO LIVE YOUR LIFE. YOU ARE JUST GOING TO HAVE TO MAKE THE DECISION FOR YOUR SELF. EITHER WAY, GOOD LUCK.
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Old 19th September 2000, 13:21
Italia_Lena Italia_Lena is offline
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Unhappy

Quote:
Originally posted by Gringa:
My husband is the Navy....I was there with him in PR for 4 months then came back to Fl since we were having problems and might be getting divorced. I've posted this question on every other message board I can find to get help with this but since there're new developments I figured I'd try here. He's now dating some PR girl!!!! When he told me I was also dating somebody else so I didn't care but now that me and this new guy aren't seeing eachother anymore this is starting to bother me very much. He says he's not ready for a relationship but now he's seeing somebody...I'm going on the whole rebound theory that that is all she is to him. I'm supposed to go down there in Nov for a week but I don't know how I can. From what I hear they spend alot (but..anything is a lot to me) time together and I don't know how I could go down there knowing that all his friends know bout her. Even though I know, it would still make me feel stupid. I love my husband very much and I just have this good feeling that we'll make it through all this crap and will be together in the end. I'm just so confused about this and I don't know what to do. My husband says he doesn't love me anymore and I don't believe him...I also don't know if my feelings are real either. Thats why I want to go there to see whether or not I still love him. I can say I love him all I want to while I'm in Fl but I could go down there and realize I don't. I just don't know how to handle him seeing her and then me going down there to see him and wondering who he's thinking about. I don't know how to handle his friends comments...believe they'll be making lots of them too...and everything else about her that'll be going on. Why is this happening? Why to me off all people? Every mean thing he's done and said I've forgiven him for and I even have for this. But just picturing it..her and him, MY HUSBAND!!! I don't know how to handle it and I don't know whether or not to go down there. I'll probably end up going as long as he wants me to but I could REALLY use the advice. THANX
Gringa,

I can so much feel what you are going thru. I was never married but I just recently had to suffer thru the split up of my boyfriend of 1yr. He is Puerto Rican and we were together for one entire year. He told me he loved me and I fell in love with him. We took things slow, so I thought that he was really the "one". He had a son and I became so attached to him. We did everything with one another. We were truthful with one another, so I thought. Suddenly one week before a planned vacation to South Carolina, I went to his house to visit him and his son. He took me outside and said he had been doing a lot of thinking and he cannot be in a relationship anymore. He told me he does not know how to love. The only person he knows how to love is his son. While I felt pitty for him, at the same time I was angry cause he lied to me for so long. He told me over and over he wanted to be with me. I made him happy and that he loved me. So I guess I am trying to make a point. YOU HAVE TO DO WHAT YOU FEEL IS RIGHT. I don't hear you say any children are involved and if that is the case that is a good thing. Your situation is different than mine, in that you are married. In my personal opinion, I do not believe divorce is a solution to the problem. The BOTH OF YOU need to EARN your way out of the marriage if that is what you want. In saying this, I mean that EVERY rock and stone should be turned over to see where the actual problem lies. Placing blame on eachother or hurting one another is NOT a reason to say WE SHOULD GET DIVORCED. The sacred covenant of marriage was committed with the both of you, FOR BETTER AND FOR WORSE. Please think of that, think that you owe it to eachother and yourselves to at least TRY to work it out. The fact that you guys are seeing or were seeing other people is NOT A GOOD THING! You R still married and that is not OK to do. Everyone has reasons for what they do, so please do not think I am judging you or your husband. I am just trying to give you some advice. I hope I have made some sense here. I know what it feels like to know the man you love is with or seeing someone else. No matter what, IT HURTS BAD! The thing you have to try not to do, is think it is something you personally have done. It really has nothing to do with you as a person. He chooses to be with someone else and he cannot put his choice back on you. Do you understand what I mean? I hope I am making sense. I only wish I could say or help more to help you to feel better. Just know you are not alone in this battle. Let me know how you are doing!
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Old 21st September 2000, 04:37
The_Cat The_Cat is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by Gringa:
My husband is the Navy....I was there with him in PR for 4 months then came back to Fl since we were having problems and might be getting divorced. I've posted this question on every other message board I can find to get help with this but since there're new developments I figured I'd try here. He's now dating some PR girl!!!! When he told me I was also dating somebody else so I didn't care but now that me and this new guy aren't seeing eachother anymore this is starting to bother me very much. He says he's not ready for a relationship but now he's seeing somebody...I'm going on the whole rebound theory that that is all she is to him. I'm supposed to go down there in Nov for a week but I don't know how I can. From what I hear they spend alot (but..anything is a lot to me) time together and I don't know how I could go down there knowing that all his friends know bout her. Even though I know, it would still make me feel stupid. I love my husband very much and I just have this good feeling that we'll make it through all this crap and will be together in the end. I'm just so confused about this and I don't know what to do. My husband says he doesn't love me anymore and I don't believe him...I also don't know if my feelings are real either. Thats why I want to go there to see whether or not I still love him. I can say I love him all I want to while I'm in Fl but I could go down there and realize I don't. I just don't know how to handle him seeing her and then me going down there to see him and wondering who he's thinking about. I don't know how to handle his friends comments...believe they'll be making lots of them too...and everything else about her that'll be going on. Why is this happening? Why to me off all people? Every mean thing he's done and said I've forgiven him for and I even have for this. But just picturing it..her and him, MY HUSBAND!!! I don't know how to handle it and I don't know whether or not to go down there. I'll probably end up going as long as he wants me to but I could REALLY use the advice. THANX
HI GRINGA:

JUST PUT YOUR TRUST ON GOD, AND I PROMISE YOUR HOLE LIFE WILL CHANGE.http://gifs123.tripod.com/page25/cat893.gif


------------------
Felix The Cat
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  #5 (permalink)  
Old 26th September 2000, 14:30
loggyNyc loggyNyc is offline
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GRINGA,

IF HE TOLD YOU THAT HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU, WHY PLAN A TRIP OVER THERE. HE PROBABLY MOVED ON WITH THE OTHER CHICK. IF I WAS IN YOUR SHOES, I WILL BE STRONG AND MOVE ON WITH MY LIFE. YOU GUYS PROBABLY LOST ALOT OF RESPECT FOR EACH OTHER ALREADY THAT IN REALITY , NO DISREPECT TO YOU, THE RELATIONSHIP IS TIRED. JUST LEAVE IT UP TO GOD, IF THIS GUY IS MEANT FOR U THAN THINGS WILL CHANGE. BE STRONG GIRL!!!
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  #6 (permalink)  
Old 27th September 2000, 16:39
cookie1052 cookie1052 is offline
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yOU SEEM TO BE VERY CONFUSED WHAT'S THE PROBLEM DO YOU STAY WITH HIM OR DO YOU GO?THATS WHAT YOU NEED TO ASK YOUR SELF IS HE WORTH ME WASTING MY LIFE FOR HIM?OR IS IT JUST THAT SINCE HE IS NOT HERE I WANT HIM BACK.DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME ON THIS AND MOVE ON OR YOUR IN FOR A WORLD OF PAIN..DO YOU LOVE YOURSELF OR YOU JUST LIKE BEING A DOOR MAT?LIFE IS TO SHORT THEIRS TO MANY MAN OUT THEIR TO BE WITH.VIVE TO VIDA YOU WILL SURVIVE THIS..WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COOFEE..IF HE WANTED TO BE WITH YOU HE WOULD OFF...
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  #7 (permalink)  
Old 28th September 2000, 12:26
Kinetic Kinetic is offline
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tell him to go to hell and that the Navy is soft anyways...I'm sure you are a very beautiful person-inside and out, and to find a real man for you is no hard task at all.

stay strong, you already got this beat.

peace.
'netic

p.s.you interested in meeting new guys in florida? I'm in Miami(hint,hint!)
lol. =P
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