I dont know what to do about him

[Xica_la_Vega2]

My boyfriend and I have been going out for about a year and a half, and now it's over. We are just recently broken up, but we are still arguing for some reason. I think he's having a hard time letting go of me, but I just can't go back with him. It's just too much stress, he's very difficult, and I need some advice...help!!!

[Italia_Lena]

Xica_la_Vega2,


Hello there. It must be very hard for both of you. When you are with someone for that long of a time, letting go isn't always easy. You stated that you think he is having a hard time letting go of you, but that you just can't go back with him because he is too difficult and it's too much stress. Based on on fact..The quality of a relationship is dependent upon the strenght of its foundation and whether it meets the needs of the two people involved.

Ask yourself how the relationship was working. You were with him for 1 1/2 years, was it because it was you loved him, or was it just "easy" to stay instead of leave it. I know from personal experiences that sometimes we stay because it is easier than actually dealing with hurt and pain when trying to leave and move past it. It sounds as if he was more than "difficult". There seems to be more to the story than the short paragraph above. From my interpretation of your post..it sounds like you broke up with him. The arguing will only stop if the two of you sever all ties from one another. Sometimes what has to be done, isn't always the easiest thing to do but we have to find a way to do it!

Remember it is reasonable to want a REWARDING and FULFILLING relationship. If the two of you were not getting this from either side, than it is pointless to be together.

[PRtaina]

Es mejor llorar un ano...que una vida entera!

It's better to cry one year than a whole life time!

Meaning:

It's better for you to hurt now...though it may take a long time to heal, maybe a year or two, but u will get over it! If you were strong enough to say enough of this..then u'll be strong enough to get over it! Or would you rather be in a difficult relationship the rest of your life? Relationships are supposed to everything you make it to be, so if you think that he is difficult now imagine in the future? Do you think he'll change? If so, how long will the change last? If not, then why bother trying to fix something you know that you dont want and that will stay the same. Follow your heart.......

[Saint_Tiger]

PRtaina, that's cold. You're one mean lady. Change comes from the heart, and the heart is love. If that's what you think, then in your relationship there was never love to begin with.

First off, Xica,... if you were with him for over a year, then there was definitely something there. Now if you found that things were "stressfull" then there's one of two things wrong here, if not both. El primero, one of you two has not been putting anything into the relationship. El segundo, there's no communication. If you can't tell your partner what it is that bothers you and if he can't tell you what bothers him and you can't find a point inbetween that will keep you both happy, then you just won't work out. But how do you know if you never tried?
It's obvious que el te ama, or else what would all the arguing be for. He's trying to fix something that he doesn't know how to fix, because from what you've said,... you don't want to fix it.

So if the case is that you don't want to fix it,.. then after all is said and done, THEN it would be advisable to sever all ties. But I can tell you from experience, both on myself and others,... you're tearing someone's heart in the worst way. But if that someone is not what you're looking for,.. you'll end up tearing him up more by leading him on. and let him know that.


Saint Tiger

[PRtaina]

Saint Tiger,

You said that change comes from the heart, and the heart is love. In most people that is the case but love doesn't lie in everyone's heart. There are alot of people out there that just
want to do bad to others. I am not a cold person and you really cannot judge because you don't know me. I am not offended but i just wanted to let you know. What i understood from what Xica was saying is that she did not want to get together again with her boyfriend. It was too hard and stressful. Obviously there was some mistreating somewhere. I do believe where there is true love one should try and work things out...i tried. But if one is getting abused in any way i don't think that you should try, i think you should just let go.

Much Love
PRtaina

[Saint_Tiger]

PRtaina
I'm glad you weren't offended. I tend to be extremely straight forward and that seems to bother a lot of people. But I believe that the truth is not the truth if it has to be bent to sound good.
Judge is one thing that anyone can and should do. If I judge you a certain way, that's because that is what you are showing. Especially when "speaking" with words, you have to remember that the face is not there to change the "meaning" given off by the words. Therefore, whatever you show (whether you meant to or not in that way) is what people think you are(i.e. -- the mistaken first impression -- something I'm sure happens to a lot of us).

I admit that his being difficult was understood by myself in a very different way than what you understood it to be. Hence the saying, there are two sides to every truth. The word being difficult could mean either that he does not want to change or that he is demanding change, whichever it is means that there are problems on both sides. My personal reason for fighting for the love that I may have for someone is that there has to be neutral ground to stand on. If I can't find that, then that's when it all goes to hell. So be it the boyfriend, or be it Xica_la_Vega2, we really can't tell. The only thing that shows to be obvious is that he can't let go of the love that he feels. But if she doesn't feel it in return, or if he's placing too many ultimatums, then I would agree that it is definitely time to move on.


Best wishes to all who read this,


Saint_Tiger

[PRtaina]

Saint Tiger,

I like the way you express yourself and your choice of words. Of course i was not offended, i am one that understands that everyone is entitled to their opinion and also to voice their opinion. I can also say that i am a straight forward person and many times people don't understand me and assume that i'm being mean or have an attitude, but that is not me at all. I just say what i feel. But i do understand that alot of times what one says can come across in a totally different way than intended. That is why when ur not sure what was meant one should ask. Going back to what you were saying about judging...i don't agree that anyone has the right to judge (only our father in heaven) but i also understand that us as humans tend to stereotype and label people in certain ways according on how they act and present themselves. I just want to say if i presented myself in cold hearted way...those were really not my intentions just that i understood the forum as something different than you.

It was nice meeting and bumping into you in this forum because i hadn't seen you here before.

hasta la proxima,
PRtaina