Help me forget him, I'm I being punished

[coqui34]

Hello Friends,

Here's another sob story for you to read. I'm 34 years old live in New Jersey. I'm married for the past 5 years. Last year I met someone online and through online and telephone calls I fell in love with him. He told me I was his soulmate. He made me feel like no one had ever had. Not even my own husband. I never knew real love till I met this man, his name Luis O. Morales,(if anyone knows him) he lives in Cali. Well to make a long story short. After talking for quite a while we decided that I would meet him during one of his business trips for a weekend. He paid for my ticket and I just couldn't wait to meet him. Mind me I have never been unfaithful to my husband before this.
I had that weekend all planned, I was going to tell my husband that I was spending the weekend with my mom and I told my mom I was going away with my husband. All arranged I thought. Well the day came I flew out to Texas to meet the love of my life and guess what happened that night my husband discovered that I wasn't at my mom's. No one knew where I was and they called the cops and had them searching for me. What a chaos!! When I did come back I couldn't go back to my husband, didn't know how to face him, so I stayed with my mom for a while. During that time, Luis came to visit me from Cali. to comfort me and stayed with me for about 3 weeks. When It was time for him to return, we both cried like babies because we didn't want to let each other go, he wanted me to eventually move to California. Well, after he returned back home I never saw him again. He called me and told that he had to many problems in his life for us to be together and for me to try to work things out with my husband. Till this day my heart breaks all over again every time I think of him, I don't love my husband anymore, by the way, I'm back living with my husband. All I want is to be with Luis again. How can I get over him. I get this pain in heart I just want to die. I wonder, did he ever love me, were those fake tears he shed for me?

Please help me make sense out of this. Anyone please?
Am I being punished for cheating on my husband?

[Italia_Lena]

but basking in your own pitty and sorrow is NOT going to change anything you did, or make the current situation any better. Since we are human, we tend to make decisions on impulse, and not think about what we are doing when we do it. Sometimes what we do seems "okay" for the time being and than after the fact it seems "horrific" and unjustifiable. You must take responsability for your actions, for with every action there is a reaction, and definatley a consequence!

You say you are living back with your husband, how does he feel about all of this? Does he know that you no longer love him? Have you communicated any of your feelings with him??

As for Luis, if you two were so much in "love" than why don't you have his home phone number? You say you cannot track him down? He sounds a little shady to me. What problems is he referring to? Is he also married.

Are there children involved in any of this?

I cannot tell you what to do or how to feel. You are 34, married for 5 years. You took vows for better or worse, and if you were adult enough to do that 5 years ago at the age of 29 or so, than you are just as adult now, to know what is in your heart and what the right decision is that you need to make!

[coqui34]

Jenn,

Thank you for your response, I really do appreciate it.
I do have his home phone number and I have spoken to him.
But he never mentions what happen between us. I guess he figures it's better that way. Maybe he's right to think that. But, It's going to be a year this happened and I still haven't been able to get over him.

I know I did wrong and believe me I never planned this and I never meant to hurt my husband intentionally. I do love my husband but just not the same way I use too, and he does know this. I appreciate it that after everything I did to him he loves me enough to take me back but I can't help feeling the way I do. My husband was very hurt by what I did and still is till this day. He doesn't trust me and I don't blame him.

I just can't get over the man, I try to make sense of all the emotions he showed me and what he ended up doing and it just doesn't make sense. I do have his work number and address. I really try to hate him but I can't.

Does this mean I have to suffer for the rest of my life for falling in love for the first time with a another man. Jenn, when a person gets married and takes their vows it's not like they plan on cheating on their spouse, it just happens. You have to understand that.

Sara

[Italia_Lena]

I know I did wrong and believe me I never planned this and I never meant to hurt my husband intentionally. I do love my husband but just not the same way I use too, and he does know this.
I just can't get over the man, I try to make sense of all the emotions he showed me and what he ended up doing and it just doesn't make sense.
Does this mean I have to suffer for the rest of my life for falling in love for the first time with a another man.


Jenn, when a person gets married and takes their vows it's not like they plan on cheating on their spouse, it just happens. You have to understand that.

Sara


Sara,
I understand and I believe you never meant to hurt your husband intentionally but you hurt him, and right now that is all he feels, intentional or not! Now saying you cannot get over the man is a cop out. You don't WANT to get over him, or you would be taking steps to do that. Sara I understand that you feel a loss, but if this guy won't even have the friggin decency to TELL YOU EXACTLY why he called the whole "affair" off, than he isn't worth the time of day

It sounds to me like you are constantly trying to "figure out" his motives, and you can't. It is making you more and more frustrated, resentful, and hurt, because you gave up so much to be with him, and now he is gone.

Trying to "figure out" what someone else's motives were is practically useless. You will find yourself becoming more upset, sad, hurt, resentful, and frustrated as the time passes. Why? Because you are not getting any answers you are looking for.

The question about being punished for the rest of your life for falling in love with another man for the first time? First off, your questions sounds as if you are trying to justify your affair, because you only had one. Well let me say this (I am sorry if that is not how you intended that question to come accross)ONE AFFAIR IS ONE TOO MANY!

If you feel like you are being punished, or will be punished for the rest of your life, that is because you are choosing to feel that way. You see, people choose their feelings.

The one thing I would ask you is to think of how you would have felt if your husband, or this man you had the affair with cheated on you. You know how you would feel!

If you truly love your current husband, I did not say are IN LOVE with him, but love him (as you stated you did) than you should leave him to get on with his own life, he deserves to spend the rest of his life with a woman that will be passionate and not only love him, but be IN LOVE with him.

Take care!

[PRtaina]

Well there is a couple of things i don't quite understand. Ok, yeah you did have an affair but why in the world did you move back in with your husband if you are not IN love with him anymore? He is probably hurting more with you there than not seeing you at all? See i know you probably didn't know you would fall in love with this guy over the internet but you should have cut contact with him way before you fell in love with him. But in your case you didn't. Don't keep beating yourself up, all the drama is done and over with now. Now is the time where all the consequences are taking place. My advice, talk to your husband try to rekindle the fire. Try to start all over again. Do things you never done before. Take a vacation with him if necessary but get your mind off Luis cuz if he really really loved you he would have said with you. So talk things out with your husband if you guys feel it is not going to ever work than move on with your life and he with his. No need to keep reminding yourself of the love u shared with luis...it will just cause more hurt for everyone including the kids if any involved.

See if luis really loved as you said he did he would have tried anything in his power to be with you. He would not let any circumstance come between you. He might have been out just for some new thrill. So please get your mind off him and focus on your future. Boost your self-esteem up and love yourself. Take care and take it easy...

[davidFreedom]

Shared Pain

Thoughts surround my time alone

Abound in theorys all unkown

A whispered thought, will she know

The truth found out....

The heart turns to stone....

-never alone- a friend
David.

[PRtaina]

Short but sweet. Nice poem David!