Why is it so difficult for the familia to accept outsiders?

[mgalloza]

My mother used to tell me all the time, nena por que siempres estas escribiendo en ese librito? Siempres hablas con cualquiera de tu amigos. Por que no me hablas? Y ahora, es sabes algo, por que hablas de tantas locuras?
My mother doesn't understand me at all. Sometimes I think she digs what I am saying, but other times...well a screaming generation gap! Y es como el arroz blanco pegao. Since I keep my treasures to myself and learned that sometimes familia is not always just the blood. Sometimes it's the water that cools the blood...my friends. True indeed friends have come and gone, but their are those that have stood by me, memories of a shared belief, love, understanding that right now it is hard to achieve with my biological family. For me, sometimes outsiders can be the family that I need so desperately to move forward in my life. I don't think that I am neglecting my home life, but the guilt is their. (Like I am losing out on something)
I am considered the rebellious one in my household, because I take risks that my own family are afraid of. Is their anyone who has words of encouragement to give to a sister or just can relate. What's the problem with considering outsiders familia?

[IDeJesus]

I have my family of blood relatives and my family of friends. The two serve different purposes. My blood family keeps me real, in touch with my heritage and loves me unconditionally. This does not mean that they agree with everything I do or believe in, in fact we are very different. But I know that no matter how angry I may get at one of them, or one of them at me, I am loved by them and they are here for me when it is necessary that they be. My other family, my friends, they are the ones who encourage my dreams; with them I can be whoever I want to be; with them I can explore myself and the world I live in; they are not holding me to yesterdays, they are joined with me in the search for tomorrow. It is alright to have both, the trick is not to neglect one while cultivating the other and knowing when and how to link both in a productive manner.

IDJ

[JamesNichols]

I too am considered the different one in my familia. I was raised by my grandparents and I went into the Army at 19 and was always away from home for the next 26 years. Of course I visited when I was on leave but I was always the outsider. Your comment is interesting.

As I see it, familia are those who love you no matter what and they cannot remain detached from your problems or give you advice without it being for your own good. Friends can usually be objective when you need advice or when you are making a potential mistake. Or even when you are doing something right. Family expects you to be right. While friends understand that you are human and will make mistakes.

Maybe this is why family resents your friends because your friends accept you for who or what you are while family expect you to live up to their expectations.

I don't know if this makes sense or if I have explained it right but I found that my family resented my best friends because I could relax and be myself around my friends and I felt like my family expected me to always do what they wanted me to do.

All I can say is for you to do what's best for you. To often in life we struggle trying to please others. It is good to bring hapiness to others but sometimes you need to take care of you first and please yourself.

I hope your family will soon realize that your friends are an important part of your life and necessary for your hapiness and peace of mind.

[mgalloza]

DeJesus, I'm sorry I've mistaken you for a man. It was not my intention to assume like that. I should of paid more careful attention. Will you forgive me? I thank you for your gentle words. I will be putting them to good use. You have made me realize a truth, that sometimes I miss so easily when I am full of pain and sorrow. I also would like to take the opportunity to thank you, you have given alot of insight to the many topics throughout this website. I especially thank you from the bottom of my heart, about the words you shared in referrence to being "gay" God knows how hard it is and the struggle to be an outspoken latina. It could be very lonely and discouraging when you read so many emails, that reflect prejudism and hatred. Take care, hope to hear from you soon. I admire your strength and have learned a great deal from you. I am proud to be a latina, and proud to be out of the closet. I wish you and your family be in the best health, and may you have a wonderful holiday, full of peace and joy!!
Feel free to email me at: mgalloza@hotmail.com

[mgalloza]

JamesNichols, hey okay with that name...I don't want to make the same mistake, like before with DeJesus. So I won't guess if you're a man or woman, okay? Your words are so close to what I felt for years. I am still dealing with alot of hurt and I'm coming to terms with my role in my family. It's hard because I want to respect my families wishes, idealisms, dreams...all of that good stuff...but I want to live too. I too am going to be part of the armed forces. I will be joining the Coast Guard Reserves. Just another way to pay for college tuition. I want to thank you for being so kind and thoughtful once again, your words were very encouraging. Happy holidays and a Happy New Year from the bottom of my heart.
Please feel free to email me:
mgalloza@hotmail.com
I'm always looking for good conversation or advice, whatever I can learn from. That DeJesus, she's deep,huh? I also want to thank you for what you mentioned about the "gay" topic.