New marriage and Stepparenting

[ceemi]

I married a Boricua man and we lived at my own house in my country for a year. The relationship was good.
I left my job, my belongings, etc. and moved with my 2 teenagers to P.R., to my husband's house, with so many expectations of a "family". In a few months, my sweet man started showing his bad temper and macho attitude. He was aggressive and our lives became miserable.
I had temporary jobs and always had other additional income, so we were not extra expenses for him.
I was very passive, hopping that my marriage would work out. It did'nt. He always made up a reason to be angry with his own daughter or my kids or me. One day he was yelling at me and I yelled back, so he slapped my face. My son heard something and came inmediatelly and said "Mom, did he hit you?" I said "No" . My husband did not ever appologized. He just said "You made me do it, because you want to act like a man". I could not tolerate any more living afraid of his mood. My brother send me a ticket and I left on vacation a few months after, but never went back.
I am still in shock for this man. Why did'nt I notice he was going to be such an insensible person? I was his third wife, but he has lived with 2 others also. He is 48 and I'm 40. I moved 4 months ago and now he moved in another woman. I am still suffering
(maybe because my dream of having a good marriage and good husband did not work (but thanking God that I could run away, before he would do us more harm.
Any advices. This is the only time I talk about this, I keep things to myself, not to make others worry, but I need to hear from you.
I have turned to God and feel a relief. My kid's and my quality of live is good again. We value the things we gave for granted and every detail and every little thing in our lives.
I still wonder "what happened?".

[ceemi]

My dear ceemi. As you mentioned, you did not have a relationship that was worth sacrificing your kids.
You already have a family. If you wished to have a husband and complete the family is for the well being of all the members.
If you are feeling good and fearless, then do not look back.
You are a person with decisions. Congratulations for that. Keep on the good sample to your kids and God Bless You,
Love,
Aquiy

[This message has been edited by ceemi (edited 30 December 1999).]

[This message has been edited by ceemi (edited 12 January 2000).]

[J_Vargas]

Hi Ceemi!

You know, any time you start a new relationship, everyone is on thier best behavior. It takes a while before one start to show who they really are. Sometimes a trial time is considered before marriage. Sometime you need to watch how this person is getting along with the kids and how the kids feel about this new person!! Finding that one person takes a lot of patience. I am a divorce father. I took 5 years before I got married again. I wanted to make sure this new person and I had the same value and vision. I also made sure this person got along real well with my kids. We went together for 3 years before we got married. Sometime it's the luck of the draw. A relationship is an everlasting thing. You have to take time to really know who you and your kids will be dealing with. Don't blame yourself for someone elses actions. Have a nice holiday. You did the right thing in leaving him and getting the kids away from him before he did any more harm.

[ceemi]

Thanks Vargas for your advise. You are totally right. Time shared together, getting to know each other is the best investment in a relationship, before you make an engagement such as a marriage.
I learned by this experience. I am so thankful to God that it is over, because he made me open my eyes and see the real person I was living with. Yes, we have different visions.
I was trying to build an ever lasting family relatioship. He did not ever have the time. He keeps on with his rushed live.
I hope that others can learn by reading about cases like mine and your advice Vargas.
Thanks again.

[Caribe]

Sorry, Ceemy for that terrible experience. Do not feel alone, I can understand you, I am 46 woman and I dont understand many things either. Just be happy with yours children. Its very hard, when we believe in couple life together and we are alone. But the life brings HOPE. Smile!
Thanks Vargas, I learn with you too.