Teenage Dating

[Eda]

Here we go. My 16yr old daughter wants to start dating. The thought of her dating makes my stomach turn this way and that way. I trust her. But Im so uncomfortable about it. She's in 11th grade wonderful kid, good grades, respectful...But this dating thing is driving me nuts. Need a lil advise out there.

[This message has been edited by Eda (edited 17 February 2000).]

[Aysha]

Remember when you were 16? Don't alienate your daughter, give her some room to experience life and "first love." As a parent I have found that when you give a privilege and explain exactly what responsabilites go along with it, more likely than not your wishes are respected.

Above all don't give her reasons to defy you. Being too strict for whatever reasons will be unrealistic for a 16 year old and then the lies and defiance and sneaking will begin. Good luck to the both of you.

Kathie

[This message has been edited by Aysha (edited 18 February 2000).]

[El_Criollo]

Your daughter needs to be BUSY. Put her into dancing lessons, or get her to learn a musical instrument, or get her into a Soccer Club. When a teenager spends her after shool hours busy until she goes to bed at night dating will not be a priority. Let her date when she is on her own, after she gets a career and she will not be vulnerable to some jerk who is only out to satisfy the need of his p_n_s. As a guy I can tell you that when you are a teenager relationship is secondary to trying out sex with a girl. We will do and say anything to achieve our teenage-guy highest goal: "SCORE!".

When I was a teenager in PR, I'm a guy, my parents put me to take Cello lessons from age 13. In highschool I would spend all my time until 6:00PM in the "Escuela Libre de Musica" practicing my instrument. At night I would go to Pentecostal church every night. It might not have been fun then, but the kids around me who were not that busy all got in trouble either with drugs, or knocking someone up and now they are paying the consequences (still, 20 years after).

Maybe you should put your daughter in a Private School, if you can afford it, where she will have to do homework for hours after she comes home from school.


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desde_el_Jurutungo_de_Bairoa

[Eda]

Thank you both for the replies. I like that I received two different sides to the issue. My Daughter is involved in sports and after school activies. I have been givin her more room to grow. We talk well and not all the time understand eachother. I guess when the love bug hits, its hard to avoid. Its all about being a parent, protecting our children. I want her to live and accompish her dreams. I pray for them everday and have trust in them. I want her to have good memories in High School. But this dating thing is kill'n me............

[Boricua_Princess]

You know what Honey, even the best of us have sneaked and done things that we were prohibited to do. When you really want to do something, it doesn't matter who tries to stop you, you'll end up doing it.

In this case, your girl has shown to make wise decisions, staying in school, and not only that get "good" grades, etc. Most probably she will show good judgement in the person she chooses to date. But she needs your support and especially at the age of 16. And think, isn't it better to know what she does, who she's dating, etc. than prohibiting her to do it, and (perhaps) her doing it anyway without you knowing. Be positive. And like I said, according to how you have described her, she sounds responsible, and just the fact that she obviously asked your permission and maybe even your opinion "Before" she started dating shows that she values what you think, that's being responsible.

Give her a chance. She'll learn to make even wiser decisions, but with "you" guiding her, not her friends. Wish you the best when you make your decision.

[This message has been edited by Boricua Princess (edited 27 April 2000).]

[PabloIV]

I'm gonna say this as bluntly as possible.
I'm 18, I'm in my second semester in college.
Let her date, let her date as fast as possible, (with just one guy) as a matter of fact she should have started dating over two years ago. The reason why I say this is that teens who don't date much in high School but leave home for college tend to have a sort of Sexual Explosion. This is regardless of how level-headed and "good" the kid is. Now if she starts dating now, and (don't freak out on me)possibly having sex in a couple of months, she will probably pick a good guy, who will probably love her and treat her well. Now it doesn't matter how much you know of her relationship, or what she does with her Boyfriend, never, never, NEVER!!! repreimend her for having any type of sexual or pre-sexual interaction with another person, as long as it's only one person in a long period of time, and that she's protected. The reason for this is that if you are caring and sweet when it comes to her relationships with guys she'll be more open with you on the same subjects, I give you my guarantee on this one. Although I'm not a parent my self I know how you feel, as the eldest brother of five I have a 14 year old sister going through the same, and I worry about her, and so do my parents but in the end she was raised well and can make her own decisions. Sop be open with her and let her make her own decisions she should turn out fine. Have a good Day.

[m_phillips]

Man I remember when I was seventeen. That last year. I am glad to hear that you have a respectful young daughter not many people these days can say that. This means you do a fine job raising her. My hats off to you for your hard work. Although I am still a teenager I see what my mother has to go through to raise us decently and as I get older I appeciate her more and more. I am turning eighteen now and I am so scared because this is the time everyone looks to you as an adult and personally I know I am far from "adulthood" I am on my way, but still far from it. As far as the dating issue is she anxious to date because someone is showing intrest in her?, because she just wants to? Well I do not want to impose any of my mothers rules on another household every house is different however I currently am not allowed to date(some find that funny because I will be eighteen in literally fourteen days but I am glad that she did not) the reasons are because one the obvious my mother had me very young I belive she was 19 and she does not want me to be burdened with children at a age where I am still learning about myself. Also every one knows as soon as a girl has a boyfriend that she really really likes most do not admit it but they think about them all the time which there is nothing wrong with but if your daughter becomes serious with a boy will she be able to handle it in a mature way? Maybe, maybe not. Another thing is sexual activity. This is so dominant in today's relationships. If courtship is not handled properly such as the traditional chaperone,which can be annoyindg to some but in the long run keeps the couple from doing things that they would normally do if they were alone. That can be a scary thing personally I am still a virgin and am going to REMAIN that way until marriage. This may not be an easy thing but it is the best way to go there will be no pregnancy, or std worries. Yo probably talked to her about sex already. My mom told me that it is something to be shared only with your mate no one else. It is special and a thing that you have to be mentally ready for. If you do allow her to date I am sure you will make wise decisions about who it is and how it will take place. Besides no one Knows your daughter better that you do except for God that is. HOpe you are able to make a decision that will benifit your daughter .

Take care
Monique