strict families

[taina78]

i come from a very strict, old-school family and according to them, tradition says i should be living at home until i get married. problem is: (a) i would like to live on my own for a while before i get married and (b) i'm not looking to get married yet, although i have been with my boyfriend for some time now. neither of us are looking for that right now, and we happen to be very comfortable with our relationship this way. i know a lot has to do with "el que diran" and it drives me crazy b/c i feel i should be able to live my life the way i want to. has anyone else gone through this or is going through this right now? it's been causing a lot of friction lately and i really don't want that. suggestions?

[rsantana]

Taina, I hear ya. My Fiance is in the very same thing. She's not looking to move by herself yet, but we can't hardly go out anywhere, even during the day because of this "el que diran" crap. Can't make any suggestions, but I will advise you that no matter how crazy this may drive you please don't make a dumb decision If you're under 21, try to deal with it for awhile more. Take advantage of it. Work, save money and so on.

[taina78]

rsantana, thanks for replying. it's good to know that i'm not in this alone. i'll be 23 years old later this year and i've been working for a very long time now and saving all along. while i don't think i'm 100% ready financially, i'm very close to it. at least i think i would be by the end of this year. but money really is not the issue, it's more because of my not wanting to create any hostility b/w my family and i. i'm an only child so it seems like everything, good or bad, falls on my shoulders only. i think i'll stick it out for a little longer but my patience is wearing thin. well thanks again...

[1Q8AL]

'el que diran', may I ask what this means as I don't understand Spanish. My name is Iqbal, from London went through similar probs maybe I could be some help?.

[dolores_beltran]

When I was 21 years old I couldn't wait to be on my own--i wanted my "own" i wanted privacy--i was at home with the folks---til one day i had an arguement with my mom and moved in with my boyfriend--it was good at first--we did get married--but as the years went on--it was one disaster after the other--i had married him because i loved him, but most of all to spite my mother--she was always worried about "que diran" me, I didn't care what people thought-here i am 23 years later regreting that mistake--don't move out on your own--you may think they don't know what they are talking about---but ---they do---they may be old fashioned--but hey--they LOVE YOU and would not put up with anyone that would try to harm you-- anything goes wrong--family is there for you--now i am not saying you shouldn't move out--what i'm saying is you should be wise when making a decision like moving out--it WILL change your life forever. Listen to your parents--they are wise--Save your money and make the move the right way.

[rsantana]

"Que Diran" means "What would people say". Alot of the older Puerto Ricans, actually I think it's probably most cultures were bought up to be too concern what other people think and might say about them. As a result alot of kids rebell against their parents. They say something like "I don't care what other people think". Then they rebell to try to prove a point. Not everyone do this, but alot.

I agree that you shouldn't be too concern what other people think, people will always talk. But to rebell, NO WAY! You pay consequences, give people really a reason to talk, and then because you were tring to make some kind of a statement you're screwed (sorry if this word is offensive).

Richy

[taina78]

dolores: thanks for replying. I'm really trying to be understanding of the differences between my family's views and mine. it's just very difficult b/c while i am sure that one day I'll want to settle down and have a family, it is not something I want right now. but I also do not want this situation to ruin the relationship I have now. we have given up on chances to travel and do many things together simply because i still live at home. i respect their rules and i always will, but I just don't agree with them. I definitely understand what you're saying. in fact, I haven't made a move yet because I want to make sure that I am completely ready so that nothing goes wrong. I know their doors will always be open for me but I'd still like to be fully prepared.