I want to improve my English...

[Suki]

[quote]Originally posted by Eddier1
[b]
Suki esto del bipolarismo no es para tanto por parte tuyo.

I would suggest that you look up in a good dictionary the meaning of the word bipolar and the meaning of the word schizo. Use a dictionary like the Merriam-Webster one if you got it available. Therein, you will see that to be bipolar is not a mental illness.

Suki: I am sorry if I misunderstood you Eddie. But, my husband works with developmentally disabled adults after leaving teaching (you know why he left). And he had DD adults with mental illnesses and one of the 'labels' they used for them was bipolar for extreme mood swings that usually had to be treated with depakote, psychotropic drugs (controlled narcotics) which had horrible side effects. THe side effects including uncontrolled drooling, constipation, listlessness and insomnia and eventually more serious physical side effects. I associated all that with what you said. It really hurt my feelings. But now I realize what you meant was having 'mixed' emotions about a certain situation or person. I understand. It is all forgotten now. But, you did say 'before' it becomes a mental disorder. Just tell me your usual forthright opinion Eddie, and I will be able to make a decision about all this. I know I don't have any aspects of moodiness, or bipolarism. NONE. Now, mixed emotions yes. I think as you said we all have had that. But I make a very clear distinction between that and being in need of truly medically treated bipolarism.


It is a dialectical condition, which I have discovered often involves our having mixed emotions over something or someone.

Suki: I haven't got mixed feelings about you Eddie. I know how I feel. Since I don't want to say just how it is on this board, I would prefer to tell you in private. And since that won't happen I will keep it to myself. Just know that what I said in the Puerto Rican Vignette thread is 100% true about you. But, I also wanted to add some things as well. Lol. But, you will get a swollen head with such compliments. And such a one as you, hates all those flowers. Lol. So, I will be circumspect and not mention them. Esta bien?

It is indeed a universal condition that affects each and every individual in the world at one time or another, and most of us solve it by the use of reason which analysizes our roller coaster emotions, and dialectically solves it by achieving a synthesis of the opposites or poles.

Suki: Interesting theme, and your dialectics in my Marxist reader is fascinating to me. I think you are right to think not everyone can understand the underlying concepts. I am endeavoring to understand it well. If it is how I think it is. It is extremely elegant, logical and functional in its philosophical balances. I always dealt with big problems like the ones with my mother, with meditation and also faith. Also thinking it out, and sharing with beautiful people who have big hearts. I will have you know that the day you told me about the birds and so on, you gave me tremendous solace. And I will be tremendously grateful to you for that. It helped me be strong for my mother and for others too. Leticia was such a great help. And you are a wise one Eddie. You truly are. Muchas Gracias. I wish I could have given you something equally as lovely. But, I have not. I regret that. Maybe someday.

This is the most natural process in life, Suki, and it is supported by the dialectical nature of our enviroments, and, indeed, by evolution itself.

Suki: Si, and I understand evolution. Its laws and its beauties.

That I made you angry, I have never realized how much until I read your post on this matter. The mental retard that you used as an example does not qualify in this discussion, because of her handicap of being retarded. Nor does this mean that the child was schizoid either. Perhaps, it was due to 'brainstorms' that she had, and which can be seen and monitored by brainscans. I would have to see the graphs of those scans to determine if the problem was simply a physiological one of damanged grey cells, and not a pyschological problem.

Suki: In her case it was both. I can't tell you all it would not be fair to her, but I guess my associations with certain words used by you, were not what I was associating with it. And thus the reason for most of our misunderstandings and disappointments with each other Eddie.

Now what your love letter from your hubby states, I don't doubt for a moment. But remember Suki, there is much truth to the adage that "Love is often Blind" Now, please, don't fly off the handle and send me to hell and swear at me calling me a "jodon", because I said that.

Suki: Eddie, if you read our 'love letters' you would realize why I am considering that 20th anniversary renewal of vows in Puerto Vallarta next year. Love to last nowadays for 20 years with the intensity and the passion and at the same time the acceptance of shortcomings, failures and flaws that all human beings carry, is quite an accomplishment. Love is not blind after going through hell and high water, it is hard work and sacrifice and generosity of spirit. Now, you are entitled to see me as a roller coaster emotional woman. You have the right to think that. But I will explain the context of what was happening the night I sent you that email. Eddie, I have wanted to write fiction featuring characters and plots and things that would reflect a truly socialist society. El NUEVO hombre. I had the ideas mapped out, but needed the polishing of technical expertise that only someone with experiences writing master novels could give me. So, I took a class that was night time (not to interfere with my schedule at work) to try my hand at novel writing. My father wrote screenplays, theatrical plays and short stories extremely well. I favor novels, VIGNETTES (lol), short stories, and anecdotes. I took the class with 15 other people all adults most over 40. I am 37. Lol. Where we had to structure a novel, and in groups share our writing. I finally got some feedback from the 'teacher/facilitator' and she thought I was the most excellent writer she had read in years. She was thrilled, and thought I should dump everything including my job and just write. I was SO happy. So happy Eddie, for my soul at its core has always been creative. I could integrate socialism, communism, mysticism and many themes of intense interest to me, and engage the public at the same time through artistic expression. Making all the themes of importance in my life become of social value and responsibility. My grain of sand. Finally. I always had doubts about my writing abilities. For I am a merciless critic of my own work. And push myself to exhaustion mentally to create the images that I feel arrest the mind of the reader and primarily I pour my soul and all I know about life into it. THe serious stuff Eddie, I pour everything I got. The teacher of the novel writing class, I had never seen a professional like that get so excited. She calls me constantly---anyway, I say all this for you to understand what happened dearest Eddie. That day I came back from all that I wanted to share that with you so much. And when I opened your email, it was a comment about how I should not be taking classes, and so on. In my mind I saw you saying how I was too old or too talentless or something of that nature. And I know how much I love your writing Eddie. Even though it is so different in style and content than mine. And I just felt you were putting down my dream. And the first sentence that came into my head was 'go to hell', not knowing how being an ex-Roman Catholic and all that you have sacrificed for your philosophy (the social and emotional toll it had cost you) how that would affect you. I FEEL SO TERRIBLE NOW for my illogical and impulsive reaction to a completely benign and actually sociable commentary email from you. I WANT YOU TO KNOW. I WAS WRONG. DEAD WRONG FOR USING THAT PARTICULAR LANGUAGE WITH YOU. FORGIVE ME IF YOU ARE ABLE EDDIE. If you can't. I understand. You were not to blame, and you assumed it was some college class. It was not. Besides, I went to school with a lovely woman in her 80's who got her BA in Literature, with us younger folks, and enjoyed every minute of it. She always said, "you are never too old to learn something new. And enjoy life and the young people, and never give up on a dream. Mine was going to college and finishing a college degree, after marriage and widowhood, and illness and children grown, friends passing away. I thought one day, 'what have I got to lose' go for it." And she did. She was an extraordinary woman. So are you. Si pudiera darte mil bellezas en un momento Senor Eddie. Te lo diera con muchisimo gusto.

Take a couple of deep breaths first, 'calamate, recapacita' and then respond if you wish. At three o'clock in the morning, after a conversation that has lasted with you for almost three hours, I was very tired at my age, and simply if I said that one who is 40 years of age ought to be out of formal education and not making a spectacle of oneself by attending classes day or night with ordinary college students that should not be any reason to hurl invectives at me by you or anybody for that matter. He dicho, y ya esta!

Suki: You have every right to scold me. And every right to be angry with me. I have been terribly selfish with your time and your generosity. I hope the excuse of my absolute curiosity, interest and this wondrous affection and beauty I find in your 'spirit', your experiences and your richness of a life lived with consistency and sacrifice on your part, and my absolute love of all your stories and recollections of how you interpret scientific socialism. And my thrist for understanding you the individual and the scient. social. philosophy behind your choices in life, makes you forgive me for taking up all that time. All I can say, is I owe you much. A whole lot. But, el amor que te tengo Eddie es precioso. I know you don't feel the same for me. And who knows what your true feeling or thoughts for me are anymore. I stopped trying to believe you might have some kind of affection for me. Now, I just count myself tremendously fortunate I got what I got. Cuz it sure was some of the loveliest, most stimulating, and fun conversations I have ever had. Cuidate lindisimo hombre.

Quedo, tu 'internet acquaintance' hopefully,

SUKI

BTW, I read all the Russian master, Chekov, Dostevsky, Tolstoy...just not Gorky. But he is on my list now of must reads. Lol. Again, gracias. Dostoevsky's "The Gambler" I read when I was 15 and it made an impression on my mind. In fact I had too many credits for the PR public school system to accept me and put me in 11th grade, and so I took a year off and was to be found in the UPR Rio Piedras campus library every day, devouring books and then hitting the pool, and walking for quite a while spaced out and thinking about those novels and classics. Dostoevsky can take you to hell and make you see how humanity's failures and sufferings---no se, these Geniuses are like hypnotists aren't they?. Lol. I would also read science texts. I was an unusual teengager in all aspects. Lol. I guess I always was. Unusual. I was not into the usual teenage activity such as getting drunk, partying and stupid stuff de esa indole.

Papotito was my first boyfriend, not because I did not have other young men pursuing me---according to my mother and male relatives like Ojos and others and neighbors, I was a very pretty girl. But because I don't think another man except Papotito would have respected my way of being enough to wait around for three hours until I finished my books. Postponing dates and good times to accomodate my absorption in all things written. I always loved the written word. That and dancing. And learning about culture and cultural things Lol. I am more 'balanced' now. Don't have the time for marathon reading sessions. But, now thinking back, only one who truly loved me and accepted my eccentricities like Papotito could ever have gotten my absolute devotion. Lol. Bye again lindisimo hombre. I hope you understand me better. And no more personalisms. Maybe I should not continue with the vignettes? They are very personal to an extent and I don't want people destroying precious memories of my young years---before the ugly aspects of inhuman institutions ( like corrupt US govts) and ruthless power elite folks, lack of heart or honor, makes us grow and lose that perfect innocence.

[Edited by Suki on 19th June 2003 at 05:09]

[Stanley]

La verdad es que Suki me hace recordar a el niño Saltamontes hablando con su "Master" en aquellos episodios de Kun Fú.

Hombre!!----------- Ed esta muy correcto---- todos tenemos algo de bipolarismo. Pero gracias a Diós tenemos la capacidad de analizar la situación para corregir nuestro comportamiento. EL bipolarismo se convierte en problema cuando la condición es exagerada a un nivel patológico. Este es el problema de Suki y solo ella lo puede resolver. Para mí ella presenta un cuadro que le llaman en Inglés OCD. Como la vez EddieR?

[Suki]

Do you think my letter to Eddie is the proof that I am bipolar heh? Lol. I don't think so.

But hey, you have your opinion. Eddie thinks you are a looney tune for following religion and 'ritual' at the same time that you admit your 'faith' and materialistic tendencies makes you a supposed hipocrite. It no longer matters now. At least I expressed myself. Ed does not have to answer me anymore. If he agrees with you. I think I have nothing else to add. I will just write my 'vignettes' and pursue my 'grain of sand'. Farewell Senor Stanley and may you get better at what your heart desires. Ciao.

Suki.

[Eddier1]

Suki, great post; and I concur wholeheartedly with your creative writing teacher in her enthusiasm for your writing ability. Not often does a teacher discover a writer who can become a top-notch author. Just do it Suki, wade into it and with the guidance of your teacher show her your writings before you send them off to a publishing house. Like Lorelei, another teacher who gave you the advise to forge ahead, and leave others to edit your work, the advice of your creative writings teacher can prove invaluable. If you write a book and it becomes a success, considering what the prices of books are today, you would be not only famous but also wealthy. As to our conversation that nite on ICQ I was really fatigued, what with trying to get the drift of typing using a program that I was not yet familiar with. And the content of my thoughts tended to be too specific as I tried to digitalize the keyboard, against a sound effect of echoing the movement of my hands over the keyboard. It was a bit nerve racking, and I was already tired from doing the download and installing the program. So when you mentioned about doing an art class, after we had discussed your Mom's condition for a couple of hours, I was too specific inadvertantly, because I wanted to generalize a position that I have held for a long time, i.e., '40 years of age and out' when it comes to formal education. That does not mean that a person should stop learning, by no means, one should continue doing that by all the other means available like you used in libraries etc., and so have I done that. In fact, most of my formal education was bracketed by me, when I found that it was not exactly in harmony with the 'University of Life' that I had experienced and continued to gain knowledge from. So, self-education has been a ongoing thing for me always, too.

Best regards,
EddieR

[Suki]

Originally posted by Eddier1


Suki, great post; and I concur wholeheartedly with your creative writing teacher in her enthusiasm for your writing ability. Not often does a teacher discover a writer who can become a top-notch author. Just do it Suki, wade into it and with the guidance of your teacher show her your writings before you send them off to a publishing house. Like Lorelei, another teacher who gave you the advise to forge ahead, and leave others to edit your work, the advice of your creative writings teacher can prove invaluable. If you write a book and it becomes a success, considering what the prices of books are today, you would be not only famous but also wealthy. As to our conversation that nite on ICQ I was really fatigued, what with trying to get the drift of typing using a program that I was not yet familiar with. And the content of my thoughts tended to be too specific as I tried to digitalize the keyboard, against a sound effect of echoing the movement of my hands over the keyboard. It was a bit nerve racking, and I was already tired from doing the download and installing the program. So when you mentioned about doing an art class, after we had discussed your Mom's condition for a couple of hours, I was too specific inadvertantly, because I wanted to generalize a position that I have held for a long time, i.e., '40 years of age and out' when it comes to formal education. That does not mean that a person should stop learning, by no means, one should continue doing that by all the other means available like you used in libraries etc., and so have I done that. In fact, most of my formal education was bracketed by me, when I found that it was not exactly in harmony with the 'University of Life' that I had experienced and continued to gain knowledge from. So, self-education has been a ongoing thing for me always, too.

Best regards,
EddieR

Suki: Thanks for your vote of confidence. It means so much to me. Thank you very, very much. I will pursue this. And as such I will be cutting back on my writing here.

Stanley, OCD (Obsessive, Compulsive, Disorder) is not something I have either. That is someone who turns off the lights for example but keeps going back to check if the lights are off one million times....lol. Or someone who runs his own business and as the boss has the time and 'comfort' of posting on pr.com as he checks his other 'business related activities' during the day or night.

Stanley if you give me your email, I am going to finally tell you what I think of you with honesty. Since you like rendering your opinion of both my mother and I. And I must say you pissed her off with the spy ware stuff. If one thing she hates is being spied on. She has had her phone tapped, her offices bugged, among other violations of her privacy by your supposedly freedom loving gov't of Yanquilandia, and she absolutely abhors spying. She is my mother and I am her daughter. We are not batatas or whatever. But, I will tell you what I think about you. If you are curious give me your email and I will send you what I think. Take care Stanley. BTW, the pic of you and your baby in the pool at your website was very cute. You have really beautiful children.

SUki.

[Stanley]

Stanley if you give me your email, I am going to finally tell you what I think of you with honesty.

Suki:

Me podeis decir lo que quieras en cualquier momento. Sin embargo, prefiero no darte mi "email" pues temo que me escribas algo muy feo. A lo mejor me quereis decir algo vulgar y a mi ese tipo de intercambio no me gusta.

Con respecto a tu madre o mami como tu le dices------ no hay problema. Eso del IP no tiene que ver con espionaje------------ eso es informacion publica y se consigue al apretar o pulsar una cierta combinacion en el teclado de la Mac. No voy a negar que la McIntosh esta superequipada con parafernalia electronica, pero no la usare contigo o con tu madre. Sin embargo te advierto que a veces la camara se queda prendida y puedo ver el rostro de los que se sientan al frente de su computadora a escribir para PR.com.

Eso que dije sobre el OCD fueron puros relajos. La verdad es que la burguesita intelectual es mut facil de quemar. Aun tienes esa inocencia de tu juventud; no os preocupeis------- todo va bien.

Gracias por mirar mi sitio de internet. El bebe en mis manos es mi primer hijo quien hoy en dia esta casado. Tan solo tenia 24 anos cuando la foto fue tomada. Me case a los 22 con una mujer mas o menos igual que tu------------ una virgen.

[Eddier1]

[quote]Originally posted by Stanley

"Sin embargo te advierto que a veces la camara se queda prendida y puedo ver el rostro de los que se sientan al frente de su computadora a escribir para PR.com."

Suki all that 'Stan the tool'says about his Mac may be true, since the Mac company led by Mr. Job is struggling to keep from going bankrupt, and installing hacks and/or spyware that works with Cams makes the Mac attractive to all with the malacious streak of being Hackers. My advice to you and all others on this P.R.com forum is that they install Personal Firewalls as soon as possible. The invasion of one's home and into the compu vector is the action of those with the heart of wolves. The Stanley wolf is at the door, Suki, thwart it with a Personal Firewall now!

Best regards,
EddieR