When it rains it pours!

[lacoctel]

desde CAracas VEnezuela



It seems to me it is often the case in my love life,
before marriage and now after my recent divorce,
that I go through feast or famine, drought or rain
storms.

What I mean is, after falling hard for a man that ended up
being married some months ago, I was back in So California
and for weeks and weeks didn't have a single date or
anything and was also finding out that all my friends
male and female were getting married, which since I
wasn't in the same space so to speak seemed awkward
for me and somewhat boring being single again and
wanting to go hang out and party. But I am also very
busy w/teaching, busy til I drop, so it was no big deal.

Now I get to South America and this week, all on the
same weekend, I knew it, always like this.

1. The Cubano is in town and know I'm here also and
don't know what to do. I adore the ground he walks
on but, he has some serious obligations if you know
what I mean.

2. Then, a friend of a friend who I had heard of before
by name only is a known visual artist here in Caracas,
everybody knows him which makes me nervous and he
invited me out for LA NOCHE Buena.

3. Then, the next day I meet a very distinguished
and sharp dresser, from the journalism dept at a
university in Quito Ecuador, and also writes for some
well known South American newspapers.

This had to happen all at the same time! And while none
of these people know each other personally, they are
spinning in similar circles within CAracas VEnezuela.

I just don't know what to do. It's always like this.
Time wise and everything else considered, this
is just difficult!

But some will say, but you are single and have no ties,
so just date and see who is the nicest. But
I know Latinos and if it gets around that you are simply
going for coffee with a couple of different people
around the same time they are so judgemental and get
such a wrong idea.

So what do I do. The Cubano I know and love dearly
but he is the fruta prohibida for domestic type reason's and
nothing at all to do w/politics. The other obligations
thing, so I just don't want to go there. The others
I'd like to at least sit and talk with and get to know.
But why did I have to meet them a day apart?

Conteste por favor!

[Lorelei]

Lacoctel, I understand what you describing. It DOES seem it happens that way--feast or famine. Well, the way I see it. You've got two options. The first, the married Cuban. I say don't waste your time and energy with him. Be strong about this girl, it's a road paved by heartache, don't take it.

Has the journalist asked you out? If not, what if you were to accept the invitation of the friend of the friend so that you could see for yourself what he is like. Then see if you can arrange your friends to include the journalist in some kind of small (10-15 people) social gathering. That way you could get to know him a little better as well, without being matched with him. Then letter nature take its course.

[Italia_Lena]

Hi there lacoctel....

I would have to agree with Lorelei about the married Cubano. That would definatley be a road of heartache for you. Look at it right now. You are already feeling confusing feelings for him and you are staying away from him. Imagine how hard it would be if you were romantically involved. I said before on this forum and I will say it a million more times if I have to...EVERYONE DESERVES A LOVING NURTURING RELATIONSHIP BUILT ON A STRONG FOUNDATION. Believe me..you won't find it with a married man. He is other wise involved. So, my advice is to seek the other guy...give him a chance. See what he is like. Have fun, but be careful. You never know..he could be your night in shining armor!!!!!!!!

Good luck and take care!

[lacoctel]

Originally posted by Italia
Hi there lacoctel....

I would have to agree with Lorelei about the married Cubano. That would definatley be a road of heartache for you. Look at it right now. You are already feeling confusing feelings for him and you are staying away from him. Imagine how hard it would be if you were romantically involved. I said before on this forum and I will say it a million more times if I have to...EVERYONE DESERVES A LOVING NURTURING RELATIONSHIP BUILT ON A STRONG FOUNDATION. Believe me..you won't find it with a married man. He is other wise involved. So, my advice is to seek the other guy...give him a chance. See what he is like. Have fun, but be careful. You never know..he could be your night in shining armor!!!!!!!!

Good luck and take care!

To Italia & Lorelie both,

Thanks a bunch for your replies! I'm borrowing internet access again! Some things are not so easy to find in VEnezeula. Other things, good food and lots and lots of carino are plentiful!

Well I will clarify a couple of things, and also update you on the complexities of this stuff.
When I spoke before the close of the conference on Sunday, el Cubano helped me out with
some points in my speech on education. He is so brilliant and that's why I truly love him but it is strictly in
my heart. Maybe in another life we were married or something. Who knows. But yes yes I have to just leave it like that. He sort of demanded to know where I was staying, in that distinctly direct and outspoken way many Cubans have about them, ha ha, but I gave him a vague unclear answer, thanked him and said I had to hang up.

About the other two people. The artist I met up with first invited me out for Xmas eve, La noche buena. The journalist I met the next night, he took the initiative to walk up to me and tell me he liked my ideas and presentacion on education. He asked for my number, gave me his and then said we ought to go for dinner sometime. I really really liked him a lot. Such an attraction, such a great mind and such a cute dresser!

But ya know just my luck. one of the guys who helped organise the education conference has been hanging around me. I'm pretty sure he likes me too. What is up with this feast and famine thing? Anyway he is an aquaintance that is DEFINITELY NOT MY TYPE for hundreds of reasons I can't get into. Shortly after I met the journalist, this other guy, just an aquaintance and nothing else, invited me to coffee, along with a couple of other people, an older couple who are educators in Venezuela. I thought the journalist guy was long gone. But as I walked out of the coffee shop with the guy I am totally not interested in and the older couple, cute journalist was walking out of the store right next door and saw me walking with this guy. He winked at me and the friend with him said something silly like "it doesn't matter whether or not you have a boyfriend, he's crazy for you and will call you!"

All I could do was smile. So now ok fine I have heard from the artist and decided to go do Christmas eve with him and that will be a group thing. But strangely, hmm I wonder why, the cutie pie journalist I felt such an intense spark for hasn't called. Could it be he got nervous about seeing me walking out of the coffee shop with that guy? And you know that guy I'm not interested in could appear like my boyfriend since he's not around any other woman, is a few years older than me and taller than me. It could totally have that appearence.

So you know what my question is? Do I call cutie pie journalist? The "rules" say not. But at times certain situations or circumstances make us have to bend the rules a bit. My plan was just to call and be short and sweet, and thank him for being at the conferencia and tell him when the next one would be, and then shut my mouth and see how he reacts, what he says, and go from there. I mean he did come up to me, he did suggest a night out, and he didn't just take my # but gave me his also, and his email.

Since I seldom get time on the net, email is so harmless, I think I will start with a brief email. Like one sentence long. [not a post--- ha ha ha] Give my number again, and just say like, give me a call anytime and if I'm not in please leave a message.
Then "cuidate" and sign my name.

That may be more lady like than a regular phone call. Yet a phone call seems to cut to the chase and even be more sincere. I don't know. W/no home internet access I can't wait on your feedback about the email, so I may do that now, but give me feed back on the email anyhow, and whether a phone call should ever be made?

[one last learned bit of caution ladies, if you meet a man who gives you an intense spark of interest, ten cuidado, even if you think he has left the place you're at, don't go sit for coffee or anything with any single unattached males, especially not the ones that have an eye for you and may appear to be your "novio," shake them off like flies for the moment so nothing gets messed up!]

Write soon and in the mean time

FELIZ NAVIDAD!!!
FELIZ NOCHE BUENA!
un abrazo!

Y PARA ITALIA ---
BONNE NATALE!

Chao

[Lorelei]

I just wrote you a long post, and hit review reply. Hit my back button and lost EVERYTHING. Now I have to get ready for work so I don't have time to write it all again.

Did you call him? How did it go. The bottom line of what I wrote was, if you feel such an attraction, pursue it. Call him, talk professionally. Get in, somehow, an explanation that you were with FRIENDS when he saw you last. And now the ball is in his court.

Keep us posted.

[Italia_Lena]

Hey there Lacoctel!

I am glad to see you were able to log on to the internet and read our posts! You know, as I was reading your last post...I had to because you sound so much like me! You analyze EVERYTHING into the ground, until there is nothing left to think about! You try to play every possible case scenerio in your mind and think of the circumstances that will go along with it, and also the consequences !!!

Sometimes this can be rather useless and I have a feeling you know what I mean! My advice to you is, if the "cutie pie hombre" gave you his number and his e mail...he is interested! Period! No ifs, ands, or buts about it! Maybe he did "assume" that other guy was your novio, but who cares! Assumptions are useless! Prove him different. The attraction is obviously there, and I am not just speaking of a physical one. So in my opinion, fight those butterflies in the tummy, and CALL HIM!

Let me know how it goes, and thanks for the "Bonne Natale"

Feliz Navidad!

[lacoctel]

Originally posted by Italia
Hey there Lacoctel!

I am glad to see you were able to log on to the internet and read our posts! You know, as I was reading your last post...I had to because you sound so much like me! You analyze EVERYTHING into the ground, until there is nothing left to think about! You try to play every possible case scenerio in your mind and think of the circumstances that will go along with it, and also the consequences !!!

Sometimes this can be rather useless and I have a feeling you know what I mean! My advice to you is, if the "cutie pie hombre" gave you his number and his e mail...he is interested! Period! No ifs, ands, or buts about it! Maybe he did "assume" that other guy was your novio, but who cares! Assumptions are useless! Prove him different. The attraction is obviously there, and I am not just speaking of a physical one. So in my opinion, fight those butterflies in the tummy, and CALL HIM!

Let me know how it goes, and thanks for the "Bonne Natale"

Feliz Navidad!

To Italia y Lorelie,
Hola!

Sorry it has taken me awhile to answer both you and Lorelie. Thanks for the advice.
I read your email the friday just before xmas eve. Well the reason I have not been as excited
about the artista is because he is an aquaintance of the "boyfriend from hell!'
And I know that boy friend went around saying lots of negative bull sh-t!

But Xmas eve w/artista and friends went ok. He's charming. But I have to see what
happens w/that ex boyfriend stuff. I have found that men actually listen a lot more
to those lies and hype than women do! Maybe it is a male bonding thing!

About the cutie pie journalist who I really liked A LOT and has no connections at
all to the evil ex-boyfriend, well I read your emails, mulled it around a night, the next
day the phone where I stay wasbn't working. Equipment foul ups like that happen
a lot in Venezuela!

So by the time they got stuff fixed up, it was today, the next day after Chrismas, I called 'papi' and his cell phone had been
temporarily diconnected! Darn. Hopefully he'll get it reconnected in another day or so.

So yea Italia is right in some ways I myself and often just mujeres [women] in
general over analyze opposite sex stuff too much. Sometimes just going w/the flow
is the best. Then look what ended up happening, my phone was messed up for a
few days and then his gets disconnected!

So you know, I'm not even gonna email him. He'll be out here til mid January, so I'll
give it a few more days to see if his cell phone gets back up and running. If not,
then I'll email!

Not to overanalyze again, but all I can do is think positive about the journalist.
Maybe this is some sort of destiny thing in the sense that something good isn't always
so easy. We're being challenged by these equipment failures I suppose. The wine
will be so sweet if and when we can finally have a glass together and chat one on one!

Feliz ano!