Whats your advice on living with someone before you are married?

[Italian_Mama]

I'm contimplating the whole "moving in thing" with my boyfriend. He purchased a home about 6months ago and ever since he's wanted me to move in with him. He doesn't nag me or anything and totally understands why I haven't moved in there yet.

We plan to marry with in a couple of years, have already went ring shopping and are planning our wedding for the year 2004. I was brought up Catholic and anyone who is knows that this isn't acceptable in the church. Also not acceptable to my mother and father. I don't want to disrespect them, but at the same time I have to do what is right for me.

I guess I'm looking for your opinions, or life experiences as to what you've been through and how it has or hasn't worked out for you.

In the end I do realize it will be my decision and mine alone, but I always like to get opinions before making an end decision.

TO: NACHOS1965, BORICUA_EN_ARIZONIA, and ITALIA_LENA
thanks for commenting in Open board and giving me your advice!

[Italian_Mama]

Why aren't you guys responding....???? I noticed so many viewed this thread but nobody wants to share an opinion....

[nachos1965]

Well, I was going to respond further, but your previous post suggested that you did not want any additional responses from those who previously commented. But oh well.

Nachos.

[Italian_Mama]

I'm sorry I didn't mean that you guys couldn't add to my post, I was just thanking you for replying in the open board...so you guys wouldn't think I forgot that you posted to this topic.

By all means if you have more to add, be my guest.

[NegraD]

I've never lived with a man, so maybe I should not contribute my opinion. But I was asked to move in by a nice man I once dated and then by a middle-aged boy posing as a man. Anyway, I said no to both because I, like a lot of women I know, found that when some men feel that you may say yes to moving in with them, they start taking you for granted. I never did it, so I don't know what would have happened afterwards. (Well, with the "boy," I know that that would have been a disaster.) But, a few of my girlfriends who have moved in say that once you do the man feels like he has a wife and then doesn't feel the need to do the necessary "work" he once did or should do and that the wedding and marriage are no big deal to them. I want a man to continue to appreciate me before and after the wedding. I would worry that he may become complacent if I moved in ahead of time. Besides, if he loves you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you, then he can wait for you to move in after the wedding. I guess I'm old-fashioned that way. Oh well. Just my two cents... Whatever your decision, I wish you every happiness in the world. Make sure that you do what is best for you, amiga, regardless of what anyone says. Blessings to you...

--D.

[FLOR-NEGRA]

Hi, moving in with some one is not such a crime...as a matter of fact, I feel some times it is a better solution before getting marry to get to know who you are dealing with. I feel that if there is a good comunication there shouldn't be a problem with the live-in situation.
About the part that some men feel that you are his wife, I have never ran into that problem and now adays men are more open then you think. But you need to feel that love and trust from your heart not from our experience. An opinion can be given but to tell you what needs to come from you can only be decided by you.....if you do decided to take that step before the big day....feel the confidence and discuss with him how you just want to try a basic move-in trial if it makes you more confortable. Also parents, we love with all our heart but remember they are living their lifes and you need to live yours with all due respect!

I wish you the best of luck and don't feel that it is a sin to a common-law relationship.

[Krazydy18]

Alert!! Living w/ a man is a very different situation!! Things aren't the same after you move in w/ them. I dont meant to apply this to all men, but most men like a house wife, would you be willing to be that? Don't get me wrong, I'm not implying that he's like that.