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What can you do when your boyfriend's mother doesn't like you?

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Old 29th August 2000, 12:59
loggyNyc loggyNyc is offline
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I started dating my boyfriend 3 months ago. We both get along so well, but his mother can't stand me. Before me, he had a girl friend for 5 years. There was one time that I slept over his mother's house with him and when my boyfriend was taking a shower his mother called me by his ex's girlfriend name. At first I thought that it was probably by mistake, but then it happened again. I told my boyfriend about this, and he told me that maybe it wasn't on purpose,but I had that feeling it was. Another thing is that she (the mother) still stays in contact with his ex. He left his ex 4 months before he meet me. I don't know what to do because I know he loves his mother of course, and he loves me too but she is causing problems between us. His mother one time had his ex over for dinner. I just feel like forgetting about the whole thing (relationship)! I feel that i don't want to get in between him and his mother. I don't know, help guys!!
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Old 29th August 2000, 13:58
number_1_Morena number_1_Morena is offline
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REGARDLESS HIS MOTHER IS GOING TO BE THERE BETWEEN THE GOOD AND BAD TIMES. AND I KNOW YOU KNOW THAT SHE ISN'T GOING TO CHANGE.

WELL I DON'T THINK YOUR BOYFRIEND WILL PICK A SIDE TO BE ON. SO WHAT I WOULD DO IS:

TALK TO YOUR GUY MAKE YOUR SELF SOUND AS SERIOUS AS YOU CAN YOU SOUND. AND TELL HIM WHAT THE PROBLEM IS. IF THINGS DON'T GET BETTER THEN AMYBE HE DOESN'T WANT THEM TOO!
AND I KNOW I DON'T KNOW YOU OR YOUR MAN. BUT IF HE CARES ABOUT AS MUCH AS YOU SAY THEN HE WILL TALK TO HIS MOM.


KEEP ME UPDATED!

[This message has been edited by # 1 Morena (edited 29 August 2000).]
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Old 29th August 2000, 14:04
BRENDABORICUA BRENDABORICUA is offline
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MIRA NENA... IF I LET YOU KNOW MY MOTHER IN LAW STORY... I'D HAVE YOU HERE ALL DAY. IF YOU WANT TO HEAR IT LET ME KNOW,BUT I'M WARNING YOU IT'S LONG AND BELIEVE ME IT'S SO UNBELEIVABLE... LET'S JUST SAY THOUGH THAT I DID MARRY THE GUY AND I LEARNED HOW TO CONTROL THE SITUATION AND BOTTOM LINE IS I WON.
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Old 29th August 2000, 18:22
Lorelei Lorelei is offline
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I'm coming from the perspective of a mother-in-law, sister-in-law and daughter-in-law. I'm all three. So, I've got a broader view of what might be going on here.

My brother went out with this girl for three years. My whole family loved her a lot. Then they broke up and he found someone new. Well, we had a hard time giving up this girl. She was already close to us. My brother's new girlfriend was smart, however. She didn't do anything. She didn't force herself on us. She was just patient. And soon we grew to love her too. They've been married for ten years now, and the exgirlfriend eventually moved on out of our lives. My sister-in-law is like a sister now.

So be patient. Your mother has been calling her son's girlfriend's name for five years. It's a deeply ingrained habit. Forgive her for it, even if you truly suspect it's on purpose. And you'll win her over. At this point. I say, don't force your hand. If you do, you might win, but she will always remember what you did. She might be sweet to your face for her son's sake, but hate you behind your back. Win her over by being patient, sweet and kind. Your boyfriend will love you for it too.

[This message has been edited by Lorelei (edited 29 August 2000).]
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Old 29th August 2000, 19:11
jsm jsm is offline
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loggy:

There is an American saying something like:
"you marry your partner and their family".

The importance of your relationship with your possible mother in law may depend upon how far apart you live. If your boyfriend lives with his mom then it is very important.

I went away from home for college, then after graduating moved into my own apartment. So I was fairly free from my mother's interference. Nonetheless, until I dated I had no idea my mother had so many prejudices.

I share some, but not all of my mother's values. I am sure my choice would not have been my mother's choice. Nonetheless, my mother and my wife are very friendly.
As am I with my wife's family.

I would think if the mom really loves her son and you make him happy. Then she would accept you.

BrendaB I would love to hear your story.

Jorge
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Old 30th August 2000, 06:48
BRENDABORICUA BRENDABORICUA is offline
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JORGE... HERE IT GOES. BUENO.. I MET MY HUSBAND JUAN ALMOST 4 YEARS AGO. WE BOTH HAD JUST MOVED TO THE AREA FROM DIFFERENT PLACES. I MET HIM IN THE PX, WHICH IS THE MILITARY STORE ON BASE. WE STARTED TALKING BUT HE TOLD ME HE STILL HAD SOME FEELINGS FOR HIS EX IN ARIZONA... WHICH HIS MOTHER LOVED. SURPRISE. ANYWAY SO ONCE HE GOT OVER HER.. LIKE A MONTH OR SO LATER WE STARTED TO DATE AND I MET HIS PARENTS. RIGHT WHEN I WALKED IN THEY HAD A FACE. I WAS SPEAKING SPANISH TO THEM SO I THOUGHT THEY WOULD BE ALRIGHT, JUAN GOT A PUERTORICAN. WELL THAT'S WHEN THE DRAMA STARTED. MY SUEGRA DOŅA MARIA... SHE DID EVERYTHING POSSIBLE TO GET IN THE MIDDLE. I REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME I WAS THERE AND THE EX CALLED, JUAN TOLD HER HE HAD A GIRLFRIEND, BLAH BLAH BLAH HAVE A NICE LIFE. MY MOTHER IN LAW INFRONT OF ME STARTED YELLING ABOUT HOW HE COULD DO THAT TO A NICE GIRL. THAT HE SHOULDN'T HAVE BROKEN UP WIT HER. WELL THEN THE NEXT THING WAS THAT SHE TOLD JUAN I COULDN'T CALL HER DOŅA MARIA, I DIDN'T KNOW HER WELL ENOUGH, I HAD TO CALL HER MRS. FLORES. GRAN COSA....OK, FINE. JUAN WOULD CALL ME, AND I'D FOR SOME REASON HAVE TO CALL HIM BACK, AND SHE WOULD TELL ME HE IS ASLEEP OR HE WENT OUT, AND ALL OF A SUDDEN HE WOULD PICK UP THE OTHER LINE. HMMMM, SO I SAW HER GAME. WELL THIS CONTINUED ON, SHE WOULD SEE US IN A STORE OR IN PUBLIC AND ACT LIKE I WASNT THERE. BUT WHEN MY BROTHER IN LAWS GIRLFRIEND WOULD CALL, WHICH WAS HIS EX AT THE TIME IT WAS OH I LOVE YOU AND I MISS YOU, AND WOULD THROW KISSES. I WOULD CALL AND SHE WOULD SOMTIMES PICK UP AND HANG IT RIGHT UP CAUSE SHE SAW IT WAS ME ON CALLER ID. YET I STILL WOULD BE NICE TO HER. JUAN AND I DATED FOR 5 MONTHS AND SHE CAME AT HIM THAT HE HAD TO LET UP ON OUR RELATIONSHIP CAUSE SHE NEEDED HELP RAISING HER TWO YOUNGER SONS, AND HE NEEDED TO BE THE FATHER SINCE THE DAD WAS OUT OF TOWN ON BUSINESS A LOT, SOMETIMES A YEAR AT A TIME... MIND YOU THE "BOYS" WERE IN HIGH SCHOOL... WELL THAT'S THE LITTLE STUFF, THEN WE GOT BACK TOGETHER AND WE GOT ENGAGED, ONCE AGAIN.. SHE FLIPPED, SHE TRIED EVERYTHING POSSIBLE TO KEEP US APART, ON HIS WAY TO MY HOUSE, HE'D HAVE TO TURN AROUND CAUSE OF SOME EMERGENCY WITH THE PETS OR BROTHERS OR SOME STUPID REASON TO KEEP HIM AWAY. DIDN'T WORK. SO AFTER BEING ENGAGED FOR SEVERAL MONTHS, I FOUND OUT I WAS PREGNANT. SHE CAME TO MY HOUSE AND WE SAT ON THE CURB THE DAY I FOUND OUT AND WE TALKED ABOUT PLANNING A WEDDING AND HOW SHE WAS GONNA GET HER NIECES TO BE BRIDSMAIDS, AND WE WERE GONNA MAKE IT SPECIAL... BOOM THE NEXT DAY SHE CALLS MY MOM AND SAYS I'M SORRY BUT JUAN IS NOT GETTING MARRIED SHE NEEDED MORE TIME TO THINK ABOUT WHAT HER SON WAS GONNA DO (MIND YOU WE HAD BEEN TOGETHER FOR ALMOST 2 YEARS) THEN WHILE THIS IS GOING ON, SHE IS TELING PEOPLE IN HER FAMILY THAT I WAS A HOE, I GOT PREGNANT ON PURPOSE AND THAT THE BABY WASN'T EVEN HER SON'S. I KNOW THIS CAUSE HER FAMILY MEMBERS HAVE TOLD ME. SO WE WERE GONNA ELOPE THEN WE DECIDED TO TRY AND HAVE A WEDDING SINCE THE PRIEST WAS A CLOSE FRIEND OF MY FAMILY, SO WE WENT TO HER HOUSE ASKING FOR THE BABTISM CERTIFICATE AND SHE PRETENDED TO LOOK AND SAID WELL I DON'T HAVE IT SO YOU'LL HAVE TO POSTPONE THE WEDDING TILL I GET IT FROM NEW YORK, THAT WILL TAKE A FEW MONTHS. ALL OF A SUDDEN MY FATHER IN LAW PULLS IT OUT OF THE FILE SHE HAD BEEN LOOKING THROUGH AND SWORE IT WASN'T THERE. YEAH BIG SURPRISE. SO SHE EVEN GOES TO SAY WE'LL HAVE TO POSTPONE THE WEDDING CAUSE SHE HAD TO WORK THE DAY OF THE WEDDING. UNBELIEVABLE, SO WE GET MARRIED AND SHE IS STILL GOING AT IT. WELL RIGHT AFTER WE GOT MARRIED, WE GOT AN APARTMENT. AND TRIED TO MOVE AWAY, SHE WOULD CALL EARLY SUNDAY MORNINGS AND JUAN HAD TO RUN HOME CAUSE THE DOGS WERE SICK, WHEN THERE WERE THREE OTHER DRIVERS IN THE HOUSE. AND I'VE BEEN MARRIED FOR 2 YEARS NOW, TOGETHER FOR 4 AND SHE STILL TRIES TO DO **** EVERY ONCE IN AWHILE TO SHOW WHO IS BOSS. AND YOU KNOW I'VE BITTEN MY TONGUE THIS WHOLE TIME SO JUAN DOESN'T GET UPSET, I MEAN IT'S HISMOTHER, BUT LITTLE BY LITTLE HE STARTED TO REALIZE HER TRUE COLORS AND HE FINALLY STOOD UP TO HER RECENTLY. SHE HAS CHANGED A LOT WITH METHOUGH. I THINK SHE FINALLY REALIZED WHAT A GOOD PERSON I WAS AND WHEN HER FATHER DIED IN MARCH, I WAS THE ONE THERE FOR HER, HELPING OUT. I CALL HER EVERYDAY TO SEE HOW SHE IS DOING AND TO CHAT, I TELL HER ABOUT HOW THE BABY IS DOING CAUSE SHE ONLY SEES HER ON THE WEEKENDS SINCE MY MOM KEEPS HER DAILY. SHE IS A LITTLE NICER NOW, WE GET A LONG BUT IT TOOK ALMOST 4 YEARS. THERE ARE SOME THINGS SHE DID TO ME THAT I DON'T EVEN CARE TO DISCUSS. SHE HATES MY PARENTS. I DON'T EVEN WANT TO MENTION THE THINGS SHE HAS SAID OF MY PARENTS TO HER FAMILY. WHEN MY HUSBANDS COUSIN CAME FROM NEW YORK TO VISIT, WE MET FOR THE FIRST TIME AND WE GOT A LONG RIGHT AWAY. SHE AND I SAT DOWN AND THEY HAD NEVER MET ME SO THEY ONLY WENT ON WHAT SHE HAD SAID. SHE TOLD ME ABOUT HOW SHE PAINTED ME TO BE THIS HOOD RAT (I WAS A VIRGIN, THANK YOU) WHO TRAPPED HER SON. (OTHER WAY AROUND POSSIBLY) AND WAS JUST OUT TO GET HER SON SINCE SHE THINKS HER FOUR BOYS ARE GOLD AND NO ONE CAN TOUCH. MY PARENTS AND HER CAME FROM THE SAME NEIGHBORHOOD. MY HUSBANDS PARENTS AND UNCLE WENT TO THE SAME HIGH SCHOOL MY DAD WENT TO. MY DAD EVEN PLAYED BASKETBALL WITH HER BROTHER. HE ALWAYS SAYS HOW HE REMEMBERS MY DAD AND HE WAS A GOOD GUY... BUT SHE HAS THIS THING AGAINST MY PARENTS. THEY NEVER KNEW EACH OTHER IN HIGH SCHOOL AND WHEN THEY FIRST MET, MY FATHER INLAW TALKED TO MY PARENTS AND CAME TO MEET THEM, BUT MY MOTHER IN LAW DIDN'T EVEN GET OUT OF THE CAR. I THINK IT'S CAUSE FIRST OF ALL, MY FATHER WAS AN OFFICER IN THE ARMY AND HIS DAD WAS ENLISTED. MY FATHER HAS ALWAYS HAD ENLISTED FRIENDS, SOME PEOPLE THOUGH SEE OFFICERS AS STUCK UP. BUT MY FATHER TRIED TO BE FRIENDS FROM THE BEGINNING. SO OUR PARENTS HATE EACH OTHER, I GET A LONG WITH HER NOW BUT I CRIED A LOT OF TEARS HEARING WHAT SHE HAD SAID ABOUT ME AND GOING THROUGH ALL THAT ****. I JUST TELL YOU, THAT IF YOU LOVE HIM, STICK THROUGH IT. I DID AND I'M GLAD CAUSE SHE CHANGED SOME. SHE NOW ACCEPTS ME AND WE TALK EVERYDAY. SHE DOENS'T KNOW I KNOW THE THINGS SHE HAD SAID... BUT THAT'S MY CARD.... IF I EVER HAVE TO PULL IT I WILL. BEFORE ITRIED TO MAINTAIN PEACE NOW I JUST DO WHAT I FEEL. IF SHE IS IN A BAD MOOD AND YELLING AT EVERYONE, I GRAB MY **** AND GO... I HAVE NO TOLERANCE FOR IGNORANCE, AND MOST OF THE TIME THAT'S WHAT IT IS. STICK THROUGH IT... IF SHE DOESN'T CHANGE, THEN OH WELL... WHY LET HER WIN? STAY WITH THE GUY IF YOU WANT TO... IN THE END, YOU'LL BE GLAD YOU DID. IF THE RELATIONSHIP IS GOOD, DON'T EVEN WORRY ABOUT HER, LAUGH OFF WHAT SHE DOES, IT'S NOT WORTH IT. WHEN SHE CALLS YOU THAT NAME JUST SAY, I'M FULANA DE TAL, REMEMBER?? RIGHT TO HER FACE, SHE'LL FEEL STUPID IF YOU STAND UP TO HER. IF YOU IGNORE IT SHE'LL KEEP DOING IT. OR CALL HER ANOTHER NAME... SEE IF SHE LIKES IT. YOU GOTTA PLAY HER GAME OR SHE'LL WALK ALL OVER YOU.
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Old 30th August 2000, 10:28
number_1_Morena number_1_Morena is offline
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Damn Brenda:

YOU SAID IT WAS LONG BUT NOT A BOOK LONG. LOL (JUST KIDDING)

SO HOW YOU BEEN LONG TIME NO SEE?
SO DID YOU FINALLY GET A NAME FOR YOU BABY?
IF SO WHAT IS IT IF YOU DON'T MIND ME ASKING.

WELL LATER EVERYONE.
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