Kids and Education II (For Suki)

[Suki]

Jane, that is interesting how you stated your mother never took an interest in your education. You loved her a lot didn't you?

My mother was extremely busy all the time. She worked full time, and she had long hours. And when she was home she tried to rest or cook something nice. What I most enjoyed though was having her read to me. She would read me the most fantastic things. And I would ask her lots of questions and she would always have the most satisfying answers. There was something about her that has always been extremely absorbing. I think some newspaper article after interviewing her about some education issues, the journalist wrote that she was a world class communicator. And that is what she is.

My mother also has been incredibly generous. As a child she would remember the details of some doll I wanted and when I least expected it would surprise me with it. She always would listen well, and sympathize with some problem I would have. And when I started dating my husband---she liked him instantly as he did her. It is so rare for a mother in law and a son in law to like each other as people so profoundly. They even take vacations together (sometimes I can't go) and they go off to Mexico together. They CHOOSE to share that time together. My husband tells me how fortunate I have been in life to have a mother with an education and one that is the way she is. He calls her, "una persona BUENA."

She exposed me to so many different things as a kid. All done so well. As if it was just a coincidence--when I know she was making sure I got a chance to expand my horizons. She reads my literature. The fiction. And she loves it. I don't know if she does it because she is my mother---or because I have talent for it. Lol. But, she is sincere. I once asked my father what he saw in my mother, and he said, "Tu madre es una mujer muy buena. Sufrio mucho pero la inteligencia y su sentido de lucha la llevo lejos. Tu madre siempre sera brillante. Asi la veo. Te pareces a ella Vida. Tu mama ella es mas inteligente en lo mas importante que ninguna otra persona que conozco. Aprendo de ella todos los dias."

Strange, but my father always said he had to do very little to raise me---he said he thought I came very developed in my own way since birth. He worried much more about my sister. I think my sister takes after my father in more ways than one. Lol.

Educating children is a very hard job. But so rewarding. I do homework with my son every night. He says he likes to hear the sound of my voice reading to him. Funny, I always liked to hear the sound of my mother's voice too, reading to me. My father was a jokester. He would try to read something serious but could not help himself and would make things up that weren't on the paper and I would say---"Oye, eso no dice eso Papi!"---and I would try to show him how he messed up. And then I realized he was being funny. How he made me laugh so hard....I miss that SO MUCH. The people one loves profoundly in this life---live in the mind and the heart. Forever.

[Stanley]

Originally Posted by Suki

My mother also has been incredibly generous. As a child she would remember the details of some doll I wanted and when I least expected it would surprise me with it. She always would listen well, and sympathize with some problem I would have.

Educating children is a very hard job. But so rewarding. I do homework with my son every night. He says he likes to hear the sound of my voice reading to him. Funny, I always liked to hear the sound of my mother's voice too, reading to me.

Suki:

What a beautiful relationship! I can see how much you admire your mother.


Sadly, my wife never had anything like that and she still complains about it.

What I see from your post is that children mostly benefit by the home environment and knowing they are safe and supported

Interestingly my youngest daughter seldom seeks help to do homework. Every once in a while she will ask for help and I get all excited, but then she says: “It is OK dad, I got it, thanks for the help”. Very different from my other daughters and my son. This one is proud about the fact that she does not need to ask that often.

However, I do remember that my wife read to her quite a bit when she was a pre-schooler----that helped a lot. During the summer, my wife still takes her to the public library where she will check out a ton of books that she reads in a couple of days. She has the reading and writing slkills I never had.

OTOH, my daughter wanted to try out for the school softball team and I went to the park to practice with her almost every evening. So I guess she knows the parent support is there if she needs it.

And that is the most important thing SUKI. Without a home the high tech school that costs 5 billion dollars fails.

[JaneMas]

Suki:
Jane, that is interesting how you stated your mother never took an interest in your education. You loved her a lot didn't you?

I do, but like Stanley's wife I feel resentment for her not attending parent meetings or plays, or for not taking a slight interest in my education. Yet somehow I knew it was not her fault. Poverty and not having a high IQ prevented her from achieving. This is why I understand not everyone is able to climb the ladder of success. It's easy for people who achieved degrees to sit down and complain about the poor doing nothing for themselves (remember my mom is one of them). Do they not realized it is impossible in this society for everyone to become a doctor, lawyer or millionaire? One: The system is not designed that way, and two: Many people just don't have the IQ. In conversation, most people fail to understand there are three types of poor. The ones who want to achieve, the ones that can't, and the ones that won't. Suki on the day of my graduation a couple of years ago, I went to pick my mom up. I was running late, and when I arrived at her home she said with a sad face...puedo quedarme, voy a perder la novela. I look at her and told her it was ok. See, she would of never understood the whole concept of a graduation ceremony.

Suki:
some newspaper article after interviewing her about some education issues, the journalist wrote that she was a world class communicator. And that is what she is.

I want to read that article! You must be very proud.

Suki:
It is so rare for a mother in law and a son in law to like each other as people so profoundly. They even take vacations together (sometimes I can't go) and they go off to Mexico together. They CHOOSE to share that time together.

What an incredible relationship Suki. Now that's beautiful.

Suki:
Tu madre siempre sera brillante. Asi la veo. Te pareces a ella Vida. Tu mama ella es mas inteligente en lo mas importante que ninguna otra persona que conozco. Aprendo de ella todos los dias.

What better way to remember or speak of someone. They are simple but meaningful words. Everybody says I Love You, yet few understand why or appreciated what the other has offered.

Suki:
Strange, but my father always said he had to do very little to raise me---he said he thought I came very developed in my own way since birth. He worried much more about my sister. I think my sister takes after my father in more ways than one. Lol.

lol @ "came very developed since birth". Reminds me of certain families I saw whom I thought under the circumstances the kind one had very little hope but managed to say to themselves NOT ME. Some kids don't need much guidance to gear them away from Behaving Badly no matter what type of family unit their born into.

And here I thought you were an only child.

Stanley:
Jane: God gave you a gift and that is intelligence. I believe intelligence is the most important factor that determines a person’s success in the planet. I am not surprised you got a 100 after reading your posts.

I'm not intelligent out side of my family! jaja. I'm just a little smart that's all. My ex-husband was extremely intelligent, one parent was a lawyer, the other head of presidential papers at the library of congress, grandparent doctors,, etc... and he was a law student at the time, but when it came to doing simply things the man was useless. That's why I'm not afraid to confront wordly people! jeje.

Stanley:
Nothing wrong with that. Why don’t you move to the DC area. You may find this area very refreshing even though the price of living is high. There are very few PR people out here. Most Hispanics are from Central America. I have never seen a Dominican. Very rarely one sees a Cuban.

I seriously thought about moving to D.C. with a Fed job. It is a place I've considered. In the meantime, my mother is reaching 80 this year, and although she's strong as a fox, she's always complaining about some possible disease invading her body. Can't take her with me because she won't move away from "her favorite son" who's a loser and I won't take him.

[JaneMas]

Originally Posted by L_F_Miranda

Stanley, Suki, and Jane.

We all know that not ALL Puerto Ricans fall into this category. In fact the majority doesn't! However there is a huge, and very DRAMATIC group of Puerto Ricans that DO stand out, "LA CAGAN PARA LA MAYORÍA." They are the ones that create the PERCEPTIONS, the stereotypes that affect all of us......

What we should concentarte on is WHY are there so many Cafres? Suki might point to EXCEPTIONS, and there are many. She might give a XIX century Marxist explanation, which might be O.K. but still, there is a larger picture. "We are basically falling behind all other Hispanic groups", why?
Dominicans out black us and are just as exploited as we, but their numbers show exploding educational progress in all fields.

I started a new tread that might begin to give some reasons. Warning, its provocative and one which most Ricans will refuse to tackle.

Miranda you might not be surprised to know today I encountered UNA CAFRE of the largest kind. I'm at the supermarket shopping, pay and carry my bags to my car. Get inside, turn the car on and look for oncoming traffic at the parking lot close to the entrance. I move a little and zoom goes by this car and I immediately stop pulling out slowly. The car stops right behind me and I'm wondering why.

Here's the dialogue:

Driver: What are you looking at.

Me: I'm looking at cars so I can get out.

Driver: Oh okay.

driver moves forward just a little but then stops again. Seems she didn't like my response without fear.

Driver: You got a fking problem B! You wanna start some sh.. B!

Me: What the hell is your problem?

Driver: You got something to say to me B. I'll fk you up.

she gets out the car waving her hands and at this point I'm thinking Miranda's CAFRE

Me: Girl you want to touch me your going to have to come to me.

Driver: Why don't you get out B!

Me: You want a fight your going to have to come to me. You touch me your going to have to kill me.

the girl went on and on

Me: See, this is why white people can't stand us. Riff Raff like you are the ones who ruin it for the hard working puerto ricans. You are an embarrassment to us.

Driver: What you got B! What you got!

Me: I got class and a degree unlike you, you shameful lowlife!'

Driver: You don't wanna come out your car B. Think you bad.

Me: Are you looney? Your the agressive one here. Your the one threatening to hurt me and beat me up. Why in the world should I get out the car to become as low as you? So I can lose in a court case against your ignorant az? I'm right here I haven't move. You want me, come to me.

little girls head peaks out the front of the car...about 6 years old.

Me: My god your acting like trash and this little girl is with you! IS THIS WHAT YOU ARE TEACHING THAT LITTLE GIRL? How to act like a lowlife? Do you pick your prey based on an assumption they are harmless and make a scene like your doing now to impress this poor little girl! Touch me and I'll take away your girl, your car, your liberty cause you obviously have nothing else.

Driver: I'll fk you up.@#$$#@@@$@#$$@#$ your afraid of a 17 year old and won't get out the car.

She was NOT 17. She was at least in her mid twenties.

Me: Why would I listen to your ignorant theory of why I should get out the car? Are you nuts? Your not smart enough to convince me lose against you in court which is where I'm taking you!

I'm reaching for a pen and my phone....she gets in her car and speeds, I follow her but cars are in the way...I remember her Lic number and called the cops.

Cops arrive, I told the cop I wanted to charge her with assault. Cop says hard to convince a judge that. I told the cops to speak to the supermarket workers who are outside and saw the whole thing. They did, they were convinced, got more detail about the kind of car... and then this lady drives by, stops next to me and told the cop she saw everything and heard everything. Lic # is in Levittown (another city) in PA and will call me if they find her. He did ask me if I said something back to her, and I said, "Of course I did! I called her an embarrassment to PR's and a lowlife, but I never threaten her" he laughed and so did I.


Incredible. I've never been to court, but for the first time in my life I'm dying to go to put this ignorant cafre in her place in a court of law. The only thing white people there "which was 90%" saw was another raving lunatic Puerto Rican. They barely notice the hard working ones cause they don't make noise.

[RPR]

Incredible. I've never been to court, but for the first time in my life I'm dying to go to put this ignorant cafre in her place in a court of law. The only thing white people there which was 90% was another raving lunatic Puerto Rican. They barely notice the hard working ones cause they don't make noise.



First, let me say what a crazy sporadic dog eat dog confrotation you found yourself in. I think you handled it as cool as possible. Your comment as to the quiet ones not getting noticed is so true. I actually have been told by other Boricuas that I am "too quiet" for a Puerto Rican lol. One thing that I have learn is that one day it could be a Puerto Rican and the next day they can be black or white or just about anything else who is pushing my limits in one way or another. Sometimes it seems that our socety in general has detriorated to low depths and then that's when usually some good gesture happens from another human being and it restores my faith in people again. Glad to see that you made it out safe out of this whole mess

[Stanley]

Jane:

I think you would like DC. 1st of all the Hispanic people here are mostly from Central America and have a very strong work ethic. IN this neck of the woods Hispanics are known for their hard labor and they tend to be very polite.

Some of the Hispanics have been here long enough to have American born kids that are somewhat ghetto in their mannerisms, but they are in the minority.

You made one statement that was a little shocking to me.

You said:

*****The only thing white people there "which was 90%" saw was another raving lunatic Puerto Rican. They barely notice the hard working ones cause they don't make noise.*******

I rather call these people Anglos instead of white. At this point I really don't know what white means anymore. I find that Anglos are mixing with non-Anglos at such a fast rate that soon white in the US will have the same meaning as in PR. However, that is not important.

What bothers me is that I get the feeling that there is some sort of superiority associated with being called white and that is wrong. I have met too many Anglos that are extremely cafre.

If it helps---------- in PR I never referred to these people as white. I simply called them gringos.

From your words I assume you are in the middle of a major change in direction regarding your life. I suggest you consider Maryland or Virginia near DC. You will see a whole lot less cafrería.

Let me give you an example: Years ago when my kids were little I used to take them to an amusement park once a year. My choices were Six Flags in New Jersey or Kings Dominion in Virginia. The difference between these two was highly significant. Six Flags was cafrería heaven whereas Kings Dominion was more like Middle America with no loud mouths.

[Suki]

Jane, your mother did not even go to your graduation ceremony? Nothing would keep my father or mother from going to a graduation ceremony. Wait a minute my mother did not attend my sister's ceremony. She got stuck in some airport with a delayed flight. But Dad made it. He was so proud of her!! She graduated from law school. The keynote speaker was Anita Hill from the Clarence Thomas hearings. Lol!!

I graduated from Anthropology undergrad and grad and both times, wanted no one around. I hated all that stuff. Just send me the diploma in the mail. And let me take off to Mexico, Central America or PR or something. I did take off--that was the celebration right there. Lol. I think Mom did not like there was no ceremony for her to attend. The same disappointment about not having a wedding and going to the judge to get married only is what she felt. She still moans and groans about that one---since she likes, loves and adores her son in law so much!!I am thinking of maybe having something just so she is happy. Some kind of twenty something year anniversary. Just so she can have her 'ceremony'. Hmm, I don't know. I look at that wedding album of hers and Papi's and it looks kind of homestyled and not very pompous in the least. She only knew my father for three weeks before she married him. She was so beautiful and young!! I think she was twenty years old.

But, she wants flowers and the music and whole nine yards. I got married as a freshman in college at the UPR. Eighteen years old. Broke and not much of anything to spend at all. Lol. I thought about inviting people to our wedding and it gave me chills!! If you can't have excellent food, music, flowers, and make everyone happy with cocktails and dancing and spend some real dough---EL BOCHINCHE will follow you forever!! Boricuas bochincheros en las bodas mal hechas son una pesadilla. She never worried about if it would last or not though, now, she told me that just the way my husband looked at me and treated me she knew it was going to work. She is a wise one. Never nosy or pushy about stuff like that.

She gave me more than I could ever give back. And that is the honest truth.

Cafre? Lol. Jane I have seen people of all sorts and more. And you know the parking lot incidents seem to bring out the worse in people. I think people get behind the wheel of a car and they automatically think they can become aggressive. It is weird. Maybe it is the stress of the vehicle. Women with vulgar language and violent behavior has always been for me a real turn off. No hay nada peor que una mujer mal hablada y violenta---and they come in all ethnicities. My uncle Wilfredo married a woman who was physically very pretty---but she had the most vulgar mouth and was violent and would put him down terribly. He remarried and I noticed he marries women who are pretty on the outside but dumb as a fencepost and vulgar to boot. You should see my mother trying to cope with her younger brothers spousal choices....LOL. She can't stand those cunadas for anything.....but she has to cope with it for her little brother's sake. I don't think my mother can take more than ten minutes of the dumb fencepost wives with the vulgar mouths. Se esfuma de la casa rapido!! I got to laugh though. What one goes through for a brother or sister. And all those siblings Mom has are CLOSE. I don't know about some men---they aren't thinking sometimes. Talk about being superficial. It is incredible how some people are with their personal choices in life. I think you handled it well Jane.