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How Can I Get Over Him?

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  • How Can I Get Over Him?

    I had been going out with this guyfor about 9 months. He was five years older than me.(me 17 he 22) I did alot of things for him and with him. I moved out of my house and used my mom as an excuse so my grandparents would let me stay with them because they lived only a few blocks away from my boyfriend's house. I chose him over my family. I don't know what made me fall in love with him. I know that we are very differnt. Me I'am an A and B student. I am in advanced classes and I plan to get into NYU. He well he live's with his parents, he dropped out of school when he was in 7th grade because he was there for 3 years straight, he loves to get drunk and high, and he just recently got a job in a club. I know that yall are going to say that I deserve better than that but thats not what I think I don't know what to do. I don't have a family or a boyfriend amd whars the piont of going to school if all the teachers send me to the counsler's office. I just feel that there is no reaon for me to live anymore. I don't care what happens to me. I just want someone to understand me.

  • #2
    Honey, I understand. It takes time to learn an important life lesson. I'm 40 and it's just sinking in now. As women, we tend to want to take care of men. But you deserve to be taken care of in return. When times are tough (which life will be at times), you need a man stronger than you to keep you going. Not one that may run. One you can depend on. Also, this world deserves the best of you and you need someone who will motivate you, encourage help, listen to you, understand you, help you be your best. I'm a very strong woman, highly successful and educated (MBA) and I have also chosen to take care of men all my life. Now I desired a real equal. I see it now. Someone who won't hold me back. I'm on this site because I had my heart broken so severly by a Puerto Rican man that I NEVER imagined I'd fall so deeply in love with. I met him by chance and my life changed forever. But I lost him for whatever reason and have to believe the universe knows it's best. You can still love him in your heart forever and know that there are so many more people you will meet and love. He's not the last man you will ever love. Trust me on that. But you need to open your heart now again and be free to what the world has in store for you...wonderful wonderful things ahead for you! Many adventures of the heart to come. Breathe in life...feel the heartache, it's ok....the deeper the sorrow carves into our being, the more joy we can contain! Love to you, dear. Hold strong and give all your love to someone who loves you back with the same intensity. That IS exactly what you deserve. He'll be fine...don't worry about him...he'll be fine.

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    • #3
      truthfully i know my way aint the best way but im just sayin my opinion maybe cause of where i was raised and whats gon on in my life. put a wall up so people cant get to you as easily and all. make men work to get to know you. cause if they want you they wont give up easily
      Plant your field of dreams, baby and let it flourish.
      By EVE

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      • #4
        I understand your pain, but remember you're alot younger than this person, and it seems as if he has much control over u. First ask yourself what does he do for u to make u stay? I've had my heart broken before i know it sucks and u feel it'll never go away, but it does. U have to give it time. Wounds need time to heel, and seeing him just opens them back up again. Try to focus on u, not him. I know u feel lost, helpless, frustrated and like the world's gonna end. You're gonna have to be VERY STRONG. U have to take control of this situation,don't let the situation take control over u. The only way I got over my Ex-boyfriend was that I cut off all communication with him and I moved back with my mom and i was 25 at the time and it was hard, but with prayer and support from my family i made it through.I'm sure u deserve much better than this. I'm sure you'll find someone that'll treat u with the kind of respect u every woman deserves.

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        • #5
          well i live with my mother again and my ex boyfriend just called me yestureday and he said that he missed me. But i met a new guy and he really calls my attention but i'm not over my ex yet and now that he is calling me i don't know what to do

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          • #6
            Well lilmomma, like i said if u keep communicating w/your Ex whether it be by phone or seeing him, you're settin' yourself up to get hurt again, you're opening new wounds that are hard to heal. It's good that ur meeting other people, expands your horizons. There are so many positive things waiting for u out there, but u gotta take those blind folds of your eyes and focus.At the rate your Ex going (drinkin& getting high)i hate to say, he doesn't have a very bright future ahead of him, so why settle for less?U don't think u deserve more than what he can give u right now?All i can tell u is be strong have faith in yourself and don't let him bring u down anymore.U know in your heart he's not healthy for u. Think about it...Good luck.

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            • #7
              I'm not gonna tell you that you're too young, that you don't know what you're doing, etc... I will tell you that there is life after this man.
              When a person truly, truly loves you they allow themselves to get ahead, to grow. You sound like a very smart person. I just have one suggestion for you.
              Give yourself time. Time to grow, time to think, time to get ahead... Go to school. Make something of yourself. IF in a couple of years you feel the same about this guy then give yourself another chance. But always remember... the person you're involved with should be a person who allows you to grow, who helps you grow, who makes you want to get ahead in life. If he doesn't, believe me honey, he's not worth it. I'm telling you this from experience. At the moment you might feel like you can't live without this person, but a couple of years down the road... you'll be wondering what the hell you ever saw in him.
              But whatever you decide to do, know that loving someone is suposed to make you happy, it's supposed to make you smile, it's supposed to make you get ahead in life, it's supposed to want to do all sorts of positive things... If loving this guy it's not making you do all this things, please, please give yourself a chance...

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              • #8
                My god, honey. I do understand. Please trust me. You are so young. There's SO much you haven't learned or seen yet. I too did the same things when I was young but now I finally understand. Please consider this a gift and believe me. It is hard to understand things when we are younger but experiece and heartache teaches us. For now, you have to trust me and be strong! You're smart, beautiful and have parents who love you. Go to NYU, study hard so you can get a good job and then you have the ability to nake choices in life. Build that foundation and you will see what the world really has to offer you. This is serious stuff and I hope you are mature enough to understand what I'm telling you. There is some much more to experiece. Honestly, you will have your heart broken again sorry but true cause he's NOT the last man you will love. Trust me. Now that I'm 40 and have traveled around the world for my job, I can't believe how many available men are out there....zillions!! And I married at 19! Live a little first....please take me advice. There are the most unbeleiveable breathtaking moments ahead of you. I'm smiling just knowing what's ahead for you. A beautiful journey! XO

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                • #9
                  i understand

                  hey what up i know its hard ,and i know u keep on hearing people say that u deserve better but its true ,im gonna tell what happend to me and maybe that would help .well a year ago i met a guy he was the best he was also older than me i was 19 and he was 26 ,see i thought the older the better because ,i was tired of little azz boys.well i was just like u everything was good u know i had a good job as a manager and he was a low life no job,lived wit parents,smoke and drank all the time .see i thought all i needed was love and i was dam wrong after a while we got our apartment (against everyones wishes of course)well the point is he mess me up bad he made me leave school,he got me fired ,and pregnet on top of that.see i could of did more for myself but i went after someone that really never had a future from the beggining ,but i thought that just because i loved him things would be all good now im a single mother working my azz of getting paid minimum wage.if u need someone to talk send me an email at nm_montero@yahoo.com im here to listen

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                  • #10
                    Hmmmm.. typical story.
                    My question to women who have lived out a situation like this is "when did you begin ignoring the red flags?" was it after you fell hook, line and sinker for the exterior and the aura that the guy gave off, or what? Because these guys who do these types of things to women are all the same and the red flags are obvious, even for the woman he's involved with. Yet, every time I turn around, I hear this same story. And what makes it even more baffling is (if you all would be honest) there has always been a great guy who wasn't INITIALLY that appealing to them, whether it be physically, emotionally, etc... that they passed over in FAVOR OF the guy who uses them and leaves them hanging!

                    I'll just never understand este juventud del presente!

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                    • #11
                      I KNOW HOW IT FEELS

                      I KNOW HOW IT FEELS I WENT OUT WIT A BOY 4 YEARS OLDER THEN ME I SKIP SKOOL WIT HUM I LIED 2 MY MOM AND I DID 2 MUCH WIT HUM THAT CAUSED PROBLEMS AND THEN HE GO T THE B***S 2 LEAVE ME BECAUSE HE SAID THAT HES GOING 2 BE 18 AND HE WANT 2 GO OUT HE WANTS A GURL THAT WILL GO WIT HUM EVERY WERE HE GOES AND THAT WILL MOVE IN WIT HUM WELL I TOLD HUM OH WELL IM NOT THE GURL 4 U AND HUNG UP I GOT SO SAD CUZ IN THE BEGGINING HE WAS SO CUTE SENDIN ME THESE CUTE MESSAGE HE USED 2 COME 2 MA HAUSE AND BRING ME PRESENTS AND HE WAS SO CUTE BUT THEN TIME PASS AND HE LEFT ME WE WERE TOGETHER FOR 1 YEAR AND THEN HE LEFT ME AND NOW I CANT FORGET HIM BOYS ASK ME OUT AND I SAY NO CUZ I DONT LIKE THEM THEY RE MAD NICE BUT I CANT I LOVE THE OTHER BOY THAT LEFT ME BUT I NEED 2 MOVE ON BECAUSE THERES MORE BOYS IN THE WORLD THAT MIGHT BE BETTER THEN HIM AND I NEED 2 MOVE ON AND DONT FALL BACK FOR ONE BOY SO DONT FALL BACK KEEP ON GURLS.
                      L@+!N_b@bY911

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                      • #12
                        It never ceases to amaze me how these young girls who can't even put an intelligible sentence together are the ones who spend the most time in and out of relationships...

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