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Help!! I love a married man

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  • Brenda
    replied
    OKAY MISS GIRL!!!!

    This is too much. I have read all, well don't make me lie, most of the replies and my GOD are we all in the same boat or what.

    When we were younger we were told to get married have children and be happy. We weren't told there would be, betrael, pain, heartache, etc.

    So these are things that WE need to learn how to deal with. I won't say the same as the other's, though I can relate.

    If you still have love in your heart for your husband, try more than your best to make it work. Trust me, there's A LOT of temptation out there.... You need to learn how to overcome them.

    Only you know what it takes to make you happy. No one can judge you. Your personal life is just that, yours. You do what you feel is right for you at that moment and you will then realize where you belong.

    Really, you have to go over your bumps before you know what you NEED to do.

    Email me @b.rivera@puertorico.com and we can talk some more.

    Know this: We R N D same Boat....

    ------------------
    Mamichula

    Leave a comment:


  • smurfette
    replied
    IDJ:

    Hi!!! Unfortunately this weekend I wasn't able to go anywhere because my children were all sick and my husband was away all weekend. As soon as I get them, I will let you know.

    Thanks!!!!

    Leave a comment:


  • smurfette
    replied
    Princesita,
    I am glad that you can relate to what I wrote. His relationship is worse that mine. He has left his home to live by himself more that 3 times but yet he goes back to her. I told him that I was not ready to leave my home until I was sure, so I guess that made him return to his home because I told him that he had to be positive with any decision he makes. His wife is very cold and not too caring. But, maybe we can both work out our issues and make the best of it.

    Leave a comment:


  • IDeJesus
    replied
    Smurfette:

    Did you check the books out?

    IDJ

    Leave a comment:


  • princesita
    replied
    Yes girl you are making sence. That is the perfect realtionship though. Those things should come naturally and it should happen all the time. But I think that even though you might think of the person you might be too busy to let them know thatyour thinking of them.I hear ya though. If it would be like that all the time being marride wouldn't be that hard. It's like that when your boyfriend/girlfriend it seems like once I do comes and kids the whole picture changes. That's why I say it's something we have to do to keep that love going. But it has to be from both people. Just from one person doesn't work. I don't believe in staying in a relationship because of the kids. You have to be happy. Sometimes saying look if you don't do this I am out! Worked for me. You have to be happy. Everyone has their bad times but it should be good and have lotts of amor in it. You mentioned your with a marride man? How is his relationship?

    Leave a comment:


  • smurfette
    replied
    Conga,

    I read your post before I read your reply here and I wanted to say thank you. Like I said before, it is hard to be in a situation that you don't enjoy and like Princesita said in her reply, it is best to try and make sure than later make a decision and regret it. So, so true. Being in love and just love are two different things. See, I look at love in 2 different ways. To me being in love is when just thinking about the person makes you smile and it seems like your heart will bust. Being in love also involves intimacy. When that time comes to be as one with your mate you feel so happy giving yourself completely, knowing that your mind and heart is captivated and that you want to please just as much as be pleased. Being in love is getting a hug for no reason, not only because you cooked their favorite meal. Being in love is a card for no reason. Being in love is taking in consideration how the person feels and not placing blame too soon. Being in love is helping each other in EVERYTHING unconditionally. Being in love is saying I Love You without it being valentines day. So you see being in love is a wonderful feeling that in a marriage, the man, as much as the woman, both have to give to eachother because it becomes dangerous when only one is doing the giving and when they realize it, they get very upset at not receiving back. To me, to just love is to care about the person. And caring about someone is not the same as being in love with that someone. You see, we care about our friends, we care about anything. But you don't necessarily love your friends. I hope I am making sense.

    Leave a comment:


  • princesita
    replied
    I agree never settle and if you really know in your heart that it's really not what you want don't sstay in it for the wrong reasons. But at the same time. Why did you choose this person as your mate ? What were the qualities that made this person stay in your life or love them. I say always try if your not sure. Reason is because you don't want to throw it away and then realize it was just a waste of time and your back together with that person again. If your 100% unhappy then life is really too short .You hear stories all the time how people die at a early age. Live it to the fullest.

    Leave a comment:


  • Conga
    replied
    Hello,

    I truly can understand what you are going through. I am a married (8 years) man, who is unhappy. While I am not presently involved with anyone. My heart has been there. i started to read all the replies, but it was too many. I bring you this kernel.

    Life is way too short to cheat yourself. We should live and love with all our heart and passion. Everyone or anyone can say, "Work it out." You know in your heart if it's no longer there. It does not make you a bad person for not being in love. I learned from a therapist friend that most poeple fall out of love. However, it sounds like more than that in your case (and mine). You deserve a life full of emotion. So does your husband. It will be hard, but it will be okay. You are still young, find love sweetheart....don't settle.

    ps write to me: ny.rican@puertorico.com

    Leave a comment:


  • princesita
    replied
    smurfette this topic is really a good one cause you know you like myself are yound marride and I think that at times when one is bored we don't know what to do. I am 27 yrs old. I have been marride for 9 yrs in January. I have been with my husband since I was 12 years old. Yes girl so I know what your talking about when you say what about our needs. I have a wonderful man. Works 2 job, pays bills and is a great father. I said that too what about my needs. Well girl this could be a 15 page answer. But the shortest thing I can say is. Marridge is suppose to be forever only if that's what you want and are happy there. But what happens is after we have children and our lives change we have to make time for our husbands to put that flame out again. It's hard work to keep everything together. But he should be listening to your feelings, if your say that there are things that you need. He needs to understand that he's the one that is suppose to do it. Because if it isn't him it will be another. Girl this is a subject I know very well. Let me know what you think.

    Leave a comment:


  • smurfette
    replied
    Hey, IDJ:

    Nice to hear from you. Boys are always after daddy but the truth is that they look for mommy for all the comfort. Daddys don't get me wrong. Well I have 3 kids/ 8 year old, 5 year old and a baby 8 months. They are a riot but I was thinking recently, what would a home be like if there were no children in it to make some noise. Thank God for our children. Take care!!!!

    Leave a comment:


  • IDeJesus
    replied
    Hi Smurfette:

    Let me know when you get the books. By the way How old are your kids? I have a 4 year old son. He just got his last MMR vaccination today. I felt so guilty leaving him to come to work after he got his shot.
    Although he was with his daddy, he kept crying for mami. Ya tu sabes como es. He's always palling around with daddy, but when he's hungry, tired or hurt, no body can take care of it better than mami.

    Take care of yourself.

    IDJ

    Leave a comment:


  • IDeJesus
    replied
    Hi Smurfette:

    Let me know when you get the books. By the way How old are your kids? I have a 4 year old son. He just got his last MMR vaccination today. I felt so guilty leaving him to come to work after he got his shot.
    Although he was with his daddy, he kept crying for mami. Ya tu sabes como es. Who's always palling around with daddy, but when he's hungry, tired or hurt, no body can take care of it better than mami.

    Take care of yourself.

    IDJ

    Leave a comment:


  • smurfette
    replied
    Thanks IDJ. I am going to look for the books this weekend and start reading them. I know that I need to correct my situation because the fact is that no matter which way I look at it, I am the one at fault because being faithful (even mentally) is first.

    Leave a comment:


  • IDeJesus
    replied
    Hey Smurfette:

    You will find these books in almost any bookstore. They were really big sellers in the 80's. Try a Barnes & Nobles if you can't find them at your local bookstore. Also, you might be able to just check them out at your local public library.

    Your apology is not necessary, I understood your point and it was an important one. If you want to talk off the board, you can email me at Isabel.DeJesus@db.com.

    Take care of yourself.
    IDJ

    Leave a comment:


  • smurfette
    replied
    IDJ:

    I apologize if in my previous reply I came across in a nasty way. But thank you so, so much for referring me to something that can at least help me clear my mind, because at times it gets crazy. Can you tell me where I can buy them?

    Thanks!!!!!!!!

    Leave a comment:

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