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Married and Miserable

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  • Married and Miserable

    I've been married for 8 years now. We have an 8 yr old daughter. I married for the wrong reasons and I feel them now. My biggest problem is that my wife and I are from different planets. I am a NY Rican and she is Mex/Rican from California. She thinks my pernil is disgusting. She thinks merengue is the equivalent of "hillbilly music" and she thinks I'm too ethnic. I guess my question is "how do I leave and let some other man raise my child?"
    I want to take her with me. My wife says that is fine with her as long as she has rights to come over my new home whenever she wants. As you can imagine that is ridiculous!! Ladies, give me some feedback!!

  • #2
    Hi. I just wanted to reply because I don't get the fact that your wife is mex/rican and is so down on something that pr's really enjoy which is of course our tipical foods and music. Obviously there is more to this that her simply putting you down and finding everything wrong. Have you asked her if she still loves you? Do you meet her needs? Do you love her? I know it is hard to be in a relationship that you don't enjoy, but always remember that if you decide to leave, at least make sure that you are able to say, Hey, at least I tried. Much luck to you. Also, are you now living in California and want to move to NY?


    • #3
      You are absolutely right, Smurfette. there is definitely alot more to it than that. However, I would not clog the board with all the drama. It always takes two. Our biggest problem has always been that I have been too NY, and too Rican/Ethnic. So while there are many issues that has been a huge one.

      As for your question: yes, I live in Cali and dream of NY.

      thank you!!!


      • #4
        Hi Congo:

        In response to the fact that you want to move to NY, there are different issues, the first being, did you meet and marry your wife in Cali and is she originally from there. You see, it is hard to demand from someone to just get up and go especially if they are born and raised where they are living and if the family is close by. If this is the case, be very prepared because I doubt that your wife will leave. Have you mentioned to her the possibility of compromising and move to a place that is convenient for both and not necessarily Cali or NY? My husband is born and raised in PR and I wasn't so when I met him, I told him that I would never consider going to live in PR because it is a beautiful island, it is not my home setting. He agrees with me to a point and I always tell him, if you always knew that at one point you wanted to go back to live, you sould've found yourself an island girl and you would never have a problem. I really hope things work out for you because it is hard to let the marriage go after 8 years.


        • #5
          Hi Conga:
          You say that your from different planets? My question is what is it about your wife that made you fall in love with her? I know it's easier to give up then try. But you don't want to leave then realize you miss her. How does she feel? I also believe staying in a relationship because of a child isn't good either. If you're no happy then hay your not happy. But try to work it out. Give your all. Sthen you can say we tried and it didn't work out. Ya know.


          • #6
            TOO BAD!
            Let her go bye-bye! Take your baby and move on. I don't know what made you be with her to begin with. She doesn't like your PERNIL, which it's the BOMB! And about Merengue.... Let me stop before I say something that will not be appropriate.
            You guys are not compatiable AT ALL. and it is not fair to you nor your baby. What type of person is she that she is willing to let her child go?
            Maybe she knows what she is looking for and you are not it.
            You know how it goes, If you love someone set them free, if they were yours to begin with, they will return.

            I'm sorry it's you, but I'm glad it's not me!

            Sweetie, let her go, you NEED to be happy.

            Talk to you soon.




            • #7
              Seems to me like you are board in your marriage. Opposites attract. However, marriage is a 50/50 relationship. That includes compromise and sacrifice. The easy way out is to dump her and move on. However, whenever you end up in another relationship you will probably have the same problem but with another person. This is not you fault. This is the way we humans are built.
              My advice to yo: unless there is physical abuse you must try to work things out for #1. You and youre wife's sake and #2. Your child's sake. If it doesn't work out well, it's better to try and fail then to fail anyway and not try.
              Get my point!
              Culture does have a BIG influence in whom we spent the rest of our life but we had the choice and we made it.
              Take me for example. I'm Puertorriquen (mandona, loud mouth ect...) and I love my hubby to death but he is a hillbilly from Arkansas and has complete different interests than mine. Should I dump him for this? No. Should you dump your lady because she doesn't like pernil? No! Go to the local Boriqua Restaurant and stuff yourself. Leave her home and that way you can have time for yourself.
              Take it from me, life's tough and we make the choices we live with.
              Thanks for reading.
              Jenniffer Morales Bigham

              [This message has been edited by J.Bigham (edited 10 November 1999).]